tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18868027010540808722024-03-05T08:23:55.928-08:00A Year in PositivityUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger380125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-26947628294203977422012-08-02T22:20:00.001-07:002012-08-02T22:34:44.291-07:00Priorities and Value.I remember one of the first times I earned a scholarship. I had an actual interview with a Vietnamese newspaper and one of the words I threw into my beauty pageant answers of how I became dedicated and hardworking was the fact that my values steered me there. It made the interviewer pause, and ask "You mentioned values, exactly what values did you mean?"
I racked my brain -- thinking of all the stock answers one would say. I could not even think of the stock answers. Instead I said I could not articulate in words what values I was lead by.<br />
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I think after hearing the words for years during my life I still haven't been able to pin it down until my time here at Chevron.
It's continually drilling and chipping away more and more at the question of "What value is this activity providing?" and "Do I really need to do this?"
So asking those questions repeatedly has made me finally pull back the curtain to the mysterious nature of this word.
I ask every day at work: what is the HIGHEST value thing I could be doing with my time? What return am I providing to people based on the actions that I perform?
And I often find that it steers me down the right path as I find that my efforts are being driven by history, by thinking that busy'ness is the same as value-adding.<br />
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It was a rude awakening when I realized it was not.
Something that really pushed me to understand the value I provide was the 200 word summary that I needed to provide to my boss to represent me in a mid-year ranking process. At first I could not understand and resisted the activity, but while doing it, I realized I spent the majority of my efforts on the wrong things. It was disheartening but a tough and necessary lesson learned.
And applying it to my personal life I realized the glut of reminders on my phone and to do list kept me in the past with the priorities of yesterday, and not with the changing climate of now. I need to constantly re-calibrate and re-assess where I should be headed. What was valuable yesterday is not valuable today, and I need to be okay with the dropped priorities of yesterday.<br />
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My priorities of today are Fitness, Career, Family, Friends, Finances, Partner, Photography, Mental Health, Experiences, and Adult Skills.<br />
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I must say instead of looking at the categories I'm not achieving the progress that I want, I'll highlight where I'm moving the needle because it is hard for me to give credit when it is due to myself.<br />
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In regards to Fitness I have been doing so well. I think a large part of that is because so much of my esteem is tied to how I feel physically and mentally. And when a hard day's work just grinds at me mentally, I feel that at the very least I need to keep my physicality in line. And I have been. With the combination of my slow carb diet and my 2 body blast sessions per week, and signing up for the 10k, I've been on the mend. I am seeing stomach muscles I haven't seen before and I find that I am not terribly sore (in the incapacitated sense), only in the mild sense.<br />
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In terms of adult skills - I've moved into my own place and navigated the whole process of selecting my apartment, finding a roommate, signing a contract with an electric company, applied/got approved for my first credit card, signing a contract with an internet company, and really ironing out all of the details in between. I'm a bit more domesticated and I like it and I'm proud of myself now that I think about it. -pat on the back-<br />
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I may not be moving the needle in all of the other categories, but I'm a work in progress. I need to set goals but I completely understand that these goals will change over time.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-90446769835749510902012-04-18T20:17:00.002-07:002012-04-18T20:44:19.170-07:00New Eating Habits.The hardest path I've taken in my life has been of fitness and getting in shape. I've been fighting for SO LONG. I think this past year I've let it knock me down a few times too many. But I feel like with this new development (that I'm about to share no worries) I finally am achieving sustainable progress.<br /><br />So my friend Aarron and I met for lunch and he mentioned his new diet that he has been doing for around 6 months called the Slow Carb diet or the 4 Hour Body.<br /><br />It was written by Tim Ferriss and actually one of his books is in my closet so he's a familiar name to me. However, his familiarity only ranges as far as working from home (his book was called the 4 Hour Workweek) and I shared a bit of skepticism when I thought about Tim becoming a food and health expert or guru.<br /><br />After listening to Aarron's testimonial AND reading the book for myself and looking through the scientific research to see if I was just jumping on a fad diet that could adversely affect me, I decided, hey, this could be for me. <br /><br />So here I am, the beginning of my 3rd week and I really like it. The essence of the plan is to go back to the basic foods that humans need to live. Neanderthals lived off of vegetables and meat basically. Tim espouses that one doesn't need to eat a diet rich with variety but one needs to eat what the body considers to be healthy. With the advent of processed food starting around the 1950's, the perception of what is normal has changed. It is 'normal' to have sugar laden foods and extremely processed foods. He espouses there are 3 main groups of food one needs: vegetables, proteins, and legumes. A cool note: these can be eaten in any quantity. Seriously. So no portion control here. However, any flour foods (even whole wheat), dairy, or fruit should be avoided in order to prevent intake of gluten (which your body may perceive as a threat) or sugar (to prevent wild fluctuations with blood sugar). <br /><br />It has been hard but knowing that every Saturday is my 'cheat' day has made it all worthwhile. I can eat anything on Saturday, so when I get cravings (and boy do I get many), I write them down and go wild and shop for those foods/eat out to savor them in my tummy.<br /><br />I am proud of the many opportunities I would have normally gave in to eat things. I am hoping to document these to give me inspiration since it is certainly difficult since we live in a flour/sugar intensive world and I've grown up with it for so long.<br /><br />*My coworker and I went to the Mmm Cupcake truck during lunch and I accompanied her while she bought a dozen and even bought one for me too. I told her I would save mine for Saturday and so I watched all of my coworkers eat cupcakes while I supported them and knew that in 4 days I would have my own form of heavenly food nirvana.<br />*In the kitchen, my brother and I keep food near the fridge and every morning I see his loaf of bread, his brownies, his granola bars, and everything I can not have 6/7 days of the week. It kills me and it's torture, but I have abstained from stealing his stash.<br />*In the freezer, there is ice cream, breakfast sandwiches, eggo waffles, and so much food that I want to eat yet I have chosen not to.<br />*At Jason's deli I have successfully said no to the free corn bread, ice cream and gingerbread muffins.<br />*At the Astros game, there was a free buffet and I could not eat the philly cheesesteak, pizza, hot dogs, or quesadillas. Instead I had philly steak meat only, guacamole, peanuts, vegetables, salad, and even had to turn away the AMAZING dessert cart with cakes, cookies, and brownies.<br />*When Catherine and I got dumplings, I ordered dumplings and did not eat the flour casing. Instead I ate the pork inside and lots of vegetables on the side that I ordered. <br /><br />And the list goes on. Going home to my parents' was interesting. I told my parents and they thought it was SO WEIRD. I understand. It was hard since Vietnamese food has lots of sugar and flour. I don't want them to feel like I'm rejecting a part of my culture or them as people who show love with food. But at the end of the day, I have to monitor what I put in my body and as much as anyone loves me, there's no one but myself to explain for my health and fitness. I only have that accountability. So this is what makes me comfortable. Although it's been really hard to say no to all those DELICIOUS things, I focus on the results I've gained already. I feel self-control, not bloated, not lethargic, full of more energy, and I've lost weight/inches already. I am excited about foods when it is Saturday and have an action plan forward that for now, makes sense. I really feel like I'm being set up for success. :)<br /><br />Bring on the rest of week 3! I'll take it day by day. This Saturday my wish list is brownies, Taco Bell Doritos Taco, and the Wendy's Spicy Chicken guacamole sandwich. :) Mmmm. Hope you stay with me on my health journey.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-86288849262610214152011-12-27T00:04:00.000-08:002011-12-27T00:26:45.521-08:002011 in Review.This has been an amazing year! I completed a lot of milestones this year and am currently undergoing some transitions. I went through a lot of tough times and gained tons of experience in the process. I feel like I'm growing and that I've matured since last year.<br /><br />Here are my end of year highlights of 2011 after much deliberation:<br />*Health<br />-Participated in my first Triathlon Sprint on May 28th and getting 4th in my age group (despite there only being 4 in my age group, haha).<br />-Running 3 miles continuously.<br />-Joined a gym in October and committing to working out since then.<br />-Limited alcohol intake to 1x a month starting in September.<br />*Experiences<br />-Traveled to China for 2 and a half weeks. Meeting amazing people. Seeing amazing things. Eating delicious food. Shanghai. Yangtze River. Xi'an. Beijing. Hong Kong!<br />-Back on the dating wagon.<br />-Finally tried gymnastics classes.<br />-Completed 2 hip hop classes. :)<br />*Education<br />-Finished my undergraduate career.<br />-Garnered a Bachelor's of Business Administration in Management Information Systems.<br />-Took a course in Wine Appreciation as a senior and feeling completely comfortable with wine now.<br />*Professional<br />-Started full-time employment in the Program Management Office at Chevron.<br />-Hosted 2 Project Managers meetings.<br />-Received my first performance review.<br />*Relationships<br />-Aired out some tough topics with my parents.<br />-Got closer with my best friends.<br /><br />Sigh. A new year is upon us. More introspection about what I aim for in the future to come. :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-476356452334382292011-11-30T22:42:00.001-08:002011-11-30T23:10:34.002-08:00Running Up That Hill.Inspired by the Placebo cover of Kate Bush's song, Running up that Hill.<br /><br />So I hit a milestone (hooray!) and I wanted to share!<br /><br />I remember my nights of diligence in the garage at my parents' home, running on the treadmill. I remember thinking that 20 minutes of continuous running was a great accomplishment. It was, no doubt! But at that point, I thought that was the holy grail. <br /><br />Especially since previous to high school, fitness and myself were like oil and water. Despite my lack of endurance and strength, it didn't register with me that I should be remotely concerned. I looked great. I learned a lesson the hard way: looks can deceive. My cholesterol started running a bit high; my stamina left much to be desired; I could pass as average, but I knew I was not 'fit'.<br /><br />This was a hard lesson learned, especially since my knowledge did not immediately translate to living a fit, healthy, active lifestyle. Awareness wasn't enough, sadly.<br /><br />Enter the point where I learned about marathons, ultramarathons, and the Ironman. I fell in love with the idea that a human being could push their bodies to this limit. It begs the question, what is the limit for any other context? Does it actually exist or is it a figment of society's imagination? There's too much proof in the pudding to allow a person of such mental fiber to be brought down by much. That's exactly the kind of experience I'm looking for.<br /><br />So, I knew I wanted it. I've officially communicated my desire to do an Ironman with many of my friends. They know. I know. So now what? <br /><br />Yeah...<br /><br />I let things languish a bit, I admit. I'm back on track though. Joined the gym at my work. Quit eating up my excuses to not work out (it's dark outside, too tired, want to be home and relax, need more space, not motivated, etc) and overlapped the convenience factor with having the luxury of zero minutes of driving time, great equipment to use at my disposal, being able to take a shower right afterwards and having motivation next to me in the form of my fellow coworkers sweating it out too. :)<br /><br />I've officially reached the point where I can comfortably jog 3 miles straight. That in itself, is a huge milestone for me. Running a mile straight was a huge milestone I hit when I could consistently do it, only starting a few years ago in college. But I know that I have a long journey to go to be Ironman ready. This keeps me motivated.<br /><br />I feel like I finally have a foothold. I have something to be extremely proud of! I'm not letting this momentum go. I usually sabotage myself, right when I have a lot of progress.<br /><br />I feel really good about being able to run 3 miles continuously. I think it'll transition well to increasing my speed (currently I'm all about completing, and running at a pretty slow pace to manage that). Also, this keeps me motivated to move forward with getting off the treadmill and attempting real life terrain where it'd be much more difficult with hills, humidity, and actual movement (much harder than the flat, predictable, steady surface of a treadmill). In the mean time, I can increase my incline, increase my volume, increase my speed, vary my tempo/pace, improve my form, test out different strategies to keep me motivated, and to always be evolving. <br /><br />I won't diminish my accomplishment by qualifying it with how I need to make it better. I know that I'm lapping everyone on the couch. I'm well aware of those amazing individuals who have built volume over the years to complete marathons. I love them. I WILL be one of them. In the mean time, I definitely will bask in my huge win. Very big step that shows me I've come sooo far, and have lots of momentum and self-love on my side to keep me going.<br /><br />:)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-63663047165335066172011-11-19T22:14:00.000-08:002011-12-06T18:38:58.640-08:00The Spark.In my previous post, the gentleman I referred to I later learned to have a girlfriend.<br /><br />Of course I was deeply saddened. I like to say I have great intuition but sometimes I learn that my predictions are far from the truth.<br /><br />I have two more tales I want to share of recent experiences where I felt that magical 'spark' with someone. Despite what happens, if anything, in the future, I just have to note these as being joyful experiences. When I spark with someone, my mind starts to travel at the speed of light, and the possibilities just seem... endless. I have an appreciation for these moments in and of themselves, and I thank these individuals. If anything, I'll have the memory. <br /><br />So story #1. Ah. So, I bought my dad a flying lesson for his birthday and it turns out he is terrified of flying in planes. For the record, he hid this fear very well. :) So here I am, stuck with an awesome gift. I could have given it to someone else, shopping it around until someone desired it. But in life there are no victims, just volunteers, so I decided you know what, I want to fly a plane! :) I know. Didn't think this day would come. So after making reservations, I arrive on the day of, not wanting to come because it was very out of my comfort zone. Yikes. I walk in the door and after some preliminary introductions, I discover that instructor is 21 but has 3 years of experience. He seemed very professional (stiff) at first, and as we talked more and more, he opened up to me and shared some pretty funny stories about flying and being called 'White Trailer Trash' from someone at Walmart. He told me he started flying at such a young age, 18, and 3 years later, moved thousands of miles away from home in Michigan to start this career. He was very charming and although I was nervous and my palms were sweating at the prospect of flying a plane in the air, he calmed me down considerably with his easy going demeanor. He was one of those individuals that is really a pleasure to talk to with such an interesting story. <br /><br />Tale #2. Sigh. I'm at the UNICEF hunger banquet and talent show. I was standing in line, and remembered that this is my domain. So I felt very comfortable and using the convenience of proximity I asked the person nearest me, what their name was. From there, someone chimed in that I was one of the previous Presidents of UNICEF. I of course, had to ask a particular question. He sold me when he told me the reason why he loved UNICEF. His answer seemed very sincere, and it sounded like it came from his heart. He spoke up an upbringing in Venezuela and soccer games that used rocks instead of balls. It broke my heart, but it of course made my heart smile at what it's catalyzed him to do. Throughout the night I witnessed him garner more donations from individuals from table to table. It was sincere the way he asked, and being in his shoes, I have to say, it is an extremely hard thing to do. When I chatted with him before I left, I was sold and blown away by his charisma, character, and charm. I don't often say this about people, but I met a shining star that night. I hope he becomes the President of UNICEF in the future. <br /><br />And these are 2 people that made me forget about the concept of time. Very happy moments in my life. I feel blessed that I'm alive and I'm able to have these moments.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-64332954759883694962011-10-03T22:50:00.000-07:002011-10-03T23:18:14.481-07:00The Thrill.Song of the moment: Calvin Harris & Deadmau5 - I'm Not Alone.<br /><br />I recognize the name, and I hesitate as I consider whether I should go down to lunch with my friends or work some more. <br /><br />Leap of faith. I feel like my life is comprised of these.<br /><br />So I go downstairs.<br /><br />Downstairs, I meet my friends and another whom I've met before but only in name. I recognize the name because I had it in my phone. Let me explain. <br /><br />I remember I met him briefly when my friend from out of town came in for training and invited all of his new friends out. I chatted everyone up, and that's why I couldn't recall his face or anything about him. I do remember his gracious offer of answering any questions via email. I never took him on the offer but I read his name week after week after week in my iPhone notes while I waited for the stars to align. They did, and my offer came eventually.<br /><br />So there he was. We had lunch and I kept asking myself how could I forget such a remarkable and funny person. He kept making offhand quips that I couldn't help but laugh so hard at. <br /><br />I kept asking myself... who is this?!<br /><br />I left late today, and everyone on my MS Lync had logged off. It was just me and an empty floor. I felt super relaxed and confident in my comfortable heels. Great $25 buy btw. As I got off the escalator and was about to walk through the elevator banks, I saw a guy in blue up ahead. Normally, I'd glance and be distracted, but I was so focused on my calm that I didn't care. <br /><br />I noticed though, that the figured stopped and stared. That's the universal body language of recognition. I looked at him, and I smiled at the odds. It was him. We walked and talked to the parking garage about being lost and feeling intelligent, but I just felt like, tough day aside, he really made my day. :) Sigh. It's been a while since I've felt the thrill, but I'm glad it's back, however long it decides to stay.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-63128099252298492892011-09-25T22:24:00.000-07:002011-09-25T23:05:38.355-07:00New Things.I'm been proud of myself for pushing it to the next level. <br /><br />I remember just 2 months ago, I felt like I hit a low point in my life. <br /><br />I've bounced back and I feel great.<br /><br />Things have been tough no doubt, but there have been more steps forward, by far.<br /><br />Let me count the ways.<br /><br />*I finally tried a Hip Hop class. It turned out to be Advanced (LOL), but I stuck it out, and found new respect for dancers of all kinds. I appreciate the talent and think if I focus on ways to improve my relationship with the choreography and memorizing it, I'll be ace. <br /><br />*I signed up for 5 weeks of gymnastics classes. Week 1 was brutal, and I felt sooo out of my element. I received claps for a half-cartwheel. Hell, it's certainly better than before I stepped in so I'm thankful for that. I'll keep at it. The other people in my class are fearless animals. I say animals, because they tear up and jump around like there's no tomorrow. It's beautiful. I told my mom about my gymnastics endeavors and she asked if I was too old for that. I replied, no, it's never too late to learn. :) I really mean it, for everyone.<br /><br />*Waking up at 11am no longer seems impossible on the weekend. After the conditioning from waking up early for work, I've finally been able to feel my body responding and waking up on its own accord. This is a pretty big deal.<br /><br />*I've started a new time management initiative, and although I can't vouch for its success yet, I can say it's new and I feel excited about it. I'm using a Tickler File and created some rules for Outlook thus far. There's more to come but for now, it's working out. I've done a lot of things I've put off for so long.<br /><br />*At Viv's bday I tried interesting meat for dinner. Apparently I had some thymus gland and I had blood sausage. LOL.<br /><br />*I've been running with some amount of regularity as I charge up to train for the Ironman. I'm getting my training wheels on, and it's been intense as I realize how far my body has to go to be prepared for this ~17 hour journey. A body performs for 10-17 hours on race day, but how many hours does it take to get to that point? We don't see that, but we can 'see' it on race day. I am finding enjoyment in the movement and I can see changes in my stamina and my body. It's wonderful. I think about the catalyst, my blood pressure reading in early 2011 and how much that pushed me to change my life.<br /><br />*I finally got to see my hero Deadmau5 in concert. It was my bday present to Sareee, and I know she loved it. :) We got to go to the general admission area and all was good. I was so in the moment and those are the times I'll remember most besides the tapper gentleman that we met. I swear those times were so spiritual and Madonna's album title comes to mind... there were definitely confessions on that dancefloor. <br /><br />*Houston Wine Festival was great to attend now that I feel confident and comfortable with wine. :) Enjoyed the Eiswein and some others that I wrote down in my handy-dandy wine notebook. Just last semester, I was confused about nearly all things wine. Now I've come so far.<br /><br />*I saw that there would be a contemporary dance concert at Miller Outdoor theater and I had such a great time with Freddy watching those talented dancers. The suit dance was so angular, sneaky, feisty, and sharp. Love. And the b-boy ending really affirmed my love and appreciation for hip hop. So supremely talented. I wish I had taken dance throughout my childhood. It's not too late, but it just makes me think, where have you been all my life? :) It felt so adult and carefree to enjoy my night with a friend, basking in the breeze and wonderful performances of these visionaries. All for free. Wow. Houston is awesome.<br /><br />*I finally posted my first China album to Facebook and I'm proud of myself. It takes a lot of work to channel creative energy into something for an extended period of time. I took more than 6,000 photos, so the final 700 (who knows the amount) or so photos I showcase is a result of this distillation.<br /><br />*I've seen a lot of documentaries online and it's been a bit therapeutic for me at times. Sometimes, it's awfully depressing, boring, and one-sided. BUT for the most part, I feel enlightened, and feel like I'm being offered an opinion that I could think about in my own mind. I find it valuable because I'm looking for the truth, and I know that if I can't experience it firsthand, it could be good to start here. It's not perfect, it is biased by the director, and all hands that touch it, but it's a start.<br /><br />*Clothes just fit better. They do. When they fit better, and when I wear better clothes, I feel better about what I'm wearing and I have become even more beautiful. I hope that it reflects the person I am inside. Confident, feminine, and different. <br /><br />*I've been able to listen to music more. :) My music initiative has been progressing and I've listened to Alexisonfire - Old Crows, Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It's Blitz!, and Incubus - If Not Now, When?. In the queue are albums from Thrice, Imogen Heap, Rx Bandits and more. I'm so excited and stoked that YouTube makes all music accessible. Wow, I'm so blessed to live in such an amazing world.<br /><br />Overall, I conduct my life according to the principle of trying to do the right thing. "If I see it, I own it" has been replaying in my head as a mantra. I am positive and happy for where I'm going, and have maintained my spirit and freedom by trying new things, learning loads, giving back to those around me, and saving up for travel, appreciation for others, and investments in myself. It's been THRILLING. I love the post-grad life.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-21339564869181784712011-09-17T13:40:00.001-07:002011-09-17T22:33:32.783-07:004th Kind.I love scary movies. Only starting the day <span style="font-style:italic;">after</span> I watch them. :) That's because I love the experience the director can create, where my reality becomes this total environment of fear, and that being all I can see for the foreseeable future. Time does its magic though, and I come back to Earth and the fear catalyzes into courage. But it's those moments where my floor is shaken beneath me and I feel like this scary force has uprooted me is what I love but HATE at the same time. <br /><br />When I'm in that fear microcosm, I don't know what to do, but there's a little voice in the back of my head that says... it's not real. It's that burning thought in the back of my mind that keeps my hope alive and a millimeter away from going mental. <br /><br />Knowing this, I love this controlled way of toughening me up by getting out of my comfort zone of what I can tolerate. During a scary portion of a film, yeah, I absolutely loathe them because I become my 7 year old self that has all of the layers of education, propriety, and norms stripped of me, and I'm just a scared girl trembling. Wonderful.<br /><br />4th Kind really did me in. It was really that good. I hadn't been scared like that in years. I never heard of the film, but my room mate suggested we watch it and I had an open mind to oblige. I nearly fell asleep since it moved so slowly at first.<br /><br />But there were a few scenes, all including 'real footage' that really really got my heart palpitating and scared. Me thinking the film footage was real, SCREAMED out loud. I never scream out loud. It just took me aback so much because I thought this was a ... documentary/reenactment type film of sorts. My roommate kept saying, W.T.F. and at the time I thought it was a subdued reaction compared to what I felt, but in actuality, that's how he actually expresses visceral fear. :) HAHA. People are so different, eh?<br /><br />Another scene that totally got me was the explanation near the end of the film where they questioned Dr. Abigail Tyler about where her daughter was. She said slowly and methodically, "How do I remember ... something they want me to forget?<br /> I thought about this question, and I had no answer. And it gave me the eerie feeling of conspiracies which left me unsettled. I also thought about that aliens weren't dangerous and were fun creatures, but this film definitely painted them as a force that isn't quite God but certainly tries to be. <br /><br />This film made Nome, Alaska into a troubled place where it is unforgiving and unexplainable. Today's age of modern crime and terrorism is something I can wrap my head around. There's a motive, it's a well known movement, but alien abductions making disappearances out of people and scapegoats out of others left my mouth gaping. This system played no favorites and that really scared me.<br /><br />After the film, me and my roommate did research and it basically came down to the fact that it was NOT a real story and the real portions of the film were strung together possibly and the character of Abigail Tyler does not exist. There was no missing daughter. That family was created and the stories were probably skewed to make a compelling story and drama. <br /><br />I was duped :(. But before I knew the truth, I remembered what it felt like to be scared. And I'm glad I got what I came for! I got out of my comfort zone again. :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-49676860440398584162011-09-12T22:41:00.000-07:002012-02-01T23:06:15.411-08:00Honor.My roommate told me a story this weekend that really woke me up on a quality I really admire. Honor. It's enmeshed with honesty and integrity really. <br /><br />It's a long story but it boils down to, a friend had a birthday, and this friend had way too many drinks. His friends, while there surrounding him, did nothing to intervene when he nearly got arrested.<br /><br />It almost brought tears to my eyes when I heard him vehemently declare that these so called 'friends' stood by idly and watched him spiral downwards. I've been an innocent bystander. That was my past life. So I felt like he was talking directly at me, my former self. But then I felt so much of my new self talking, when he became so passionate. <br /><br />I didn't expect that from him and it makes you think.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-37205264490663472192011-09-04T00:24:00.000-07:002011-09-17T13:38:14.210-07:00Running.I've been reading a whole lot as of late, and it's been very therapeutic for me. I read for leisure while in elementary and middle school. It waned drastically in high school and barely existed in college. The books I read were assigned, and I put as much of myself into the experience of college as I could. I don't regret that at all.<br /><br />But now is a period of change. I've started working. I've begun reading again. I've set a new huge goal for me to set my sights on. I haven't announced it to everyone, but I will complete an Ironman. Yes. I feel like it's the ultimate physical test.<br /><br />While researching this event, I learned about ultramarathons. Ultramarathons are distances far greater than 26.2 miles. Some are 50 miles, and some are far more. My jaw dropped when I read this. I suppose I only scratched the surface at the possibility of what we humans can do. :)<br /><br />An excerpt of an ultramarathon book fascinated me. The thesis of it was that civilized man has forgotten the roots and enjoyment of running. It is treated as an exercise which is loathed and not a liberating experience that is the equivalent of moving meditation. The book asserts that it is freedom. <br /><br />I let that thought ruminate in my head for a long time. <br /><br />I began to run again. I started running around a trail near home and since I departed after 7pm, I gave myself the stopping point of 'when it gets dark', naturally.<br /><br />It was windy and I was nearly blown sideways as I ran on this trail of gravel. There are inclines and declines, and I just felt happy to have this sort of control back. I just let the experience soak in and didn't beat myself up for stopping, but pushed those notions of getting to my personal best aside and thought to myself -- just enjoy the movement and everything else will come later. I looked towards the sky and it was gorgeous. It was all sorts of pinks, purples, and blues. I thought I was so blessed to run on a trail all by myself, to be in my own quiet, and to reach a sense of peace I can only imagine ultramarathoners feel. I was going back to basics, which is my overarching goal.<br /><br />It's been a really reflective few weeks for me, as I've questioned a lot of assumptions about life and the way I live it. I do this to become more self-aware, to continually improve, to learn about other ways people live their lives, and to become more mature in my thoughts as I re-examine them. <br /><br />Today the bottom of my shoe started peeling off after my run. It was very fitting as a metaphor I thought. As I start to exercise my mental muscles again, it will peel away the layers. What shall I find underneath?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-22144742295415087872011-08-24T22:26:00.000-07:002011-08-24T22:35:51.639-07:00Inner Calm.I feel like I have inner calm most days, and I'm proud of myself for keeping on a pretty good track record with my eating and fitness habits. I truly believe that when your mind, body, and soul align you're on your way to true fulfillment and happiness.
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<br />I've had a sore throat and to be quite honest, I've had sick symptoms since Saturday. I've had some coughing, sneezing, and other things. It's been a pain to go to work this way.
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<br />I called my stepparents to let them know how my new big girl job is going, since another one of my personal goals is to be a more considerate person, especially to my family. I was leaving work, and my sore throat sounded SO TERRIBLE, there were moments where my dad could not understand me. I had to stand back and laugh at the situation to be truthful. He didn't understand, but I tried to inform him the best I could with short and loud sentences that I was fine, work was good, and I didn't know why my voice was tragic.
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<br />I went home around half past 6, and I ended up taking a nap and feeling good that I touched base with them.
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<br />I woke up a little later, and found my phone blown up from my step mom's calls and voicemails signifying that she and my dad were already on their way.
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<br />I was shocked, but bracing myself for it. I called her back, and she re-affirmed what I already knew. I was really touched that they decided to come see me and give me medicine even without me really wanting or asking. I really was okay, I could have easily went to get medicine myself.
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<br />They both arrived, and my brother was caught off guard, and they delivered PHO (OH MY GOD I LOVE MY STEPPARENTS), Dayquil, cough drops, snacks, and some more food.
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<br />Wow.
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<br />I think about their consideration and care, and I can nearly cry. The next day when I finally sat down and had the pho, it was the most comforting thing I've had in a while. It really meant a lot to me, and was probably one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me, and I sincerely appreciate it.
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<br />Moments like those make life worth living. I need to call them and tell them how much I love them and how amazing the pho was.
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-92011414012805834212011-07-26T14:45:00.000-07:002011-07-27T01:59:16.867-07:00Then and Now.Sometimes when I feel like I am plateauing in my growth and that I haven't achieved real strides of progress I start to think about where I started. It's so far from where I am now, and I need to remember that. <br /><br />I used to always drink sodas and loved white breads and ate lots of fried foods. <br /><br />But I believe strongly in this quote: "When we know better, we do better."<br /><br />I don't think twice about opting to drink water or juice instead of a soft drink, is one behavior that is far different than my childhood years.<br /><br />Additionally, I remember all throughout my child and teen years, I never wore a bikini. I just wouldn't do it. I didn't have the self-confidence and I didn't work out. Now, it's all I wear when I'm lounging poolside or at the beach but I have to remember, I didn't start there. It was a huge and slow steady race that I finished.<br /><br />I wasn't the one to strike conversation with a stranger in line and I wasn't one to offer a smile at others without cause. My modus operandi was to be quiet and let others know me. My face, often expressionless.<br /><br />I don't have to be able to do an Ironman tomorrow. But I know that if I change my life slowly, for the better, and become stronger, faster, and healthier than I was yesterday, then I WILL GET THERE.<br /><br />This post is to celebrate the journey I've taken. I've become more positive, smarter, stronger, healthier, loving, and considerate than I've ever been - in my humble opinion.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-9404891040486347982011-07-11T02:36:00.000-07:002011-07-11T02:42:11.911-07:00The Harold Song.This is a song by Ke$ha and it's about missing the one who got away.<br /><br />Who knew that a Ke$ha song could bring me to my knees?<br /><br /><blockquote>I Miss Your Soft Lips,<br />I Miss Your White Sheets.<br />I Miss The Scratch Of Your Shaved Face On My Cheek.<br />And this is so hard,<br />Cause I didn't see,<br />That you were the love of my life and it kills me.<br />I see your face in, strangers on the street.<br />I still say your name when I'm talking in sleep.<br />And in the long light, I play it all fine.<br />But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.<br /><br />But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.<br /><br />[Chorus]<br />They say that true love hurts,<br />Well this could almost kill me. Young love murder,<br />That is what this must be.<br />I would give it all,<br />To not be sleeping alone.<br />The life is fading from me,<br />While you watch my heart bleed. Young love murder, that is what this this must be.<br />And I would give is all,<br />To not be sleeping alone.<br /><br />[Verse Two]<br />Remember the time we, jumped the fence when the Stones were playing, and we were to broke to get in.<br />You held my hand and they made me crawl.<br />Kesha The Harold Song lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/kesha-the-harold-song-lyrics.html<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">I swear to God that it was the best night of my life.<br />Or when you took me, across the world,<br />We promised this would last forever but now I see.<br />It was my past life.<br />A beautiful time.<br />Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sunlight. Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sunlight.</span><br /><br />[Chorus]<br />They say that true love hurts,<br />Well this could almost kill me. Young love murder,<br />That is what this must be.<br />And I would give it all,<br />To not be sleeping alone.<br />The life is fading from me,<br />While you watch my heart bleed. Young love murder,<br />That is what this this must be.<br />And I would give is all,<br />To not be sleeping alone.<br /><br />[Bridge]<br />It was the past life.<br />A beautiful time.<br />Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sunlight.<br /><br />[Chorus]<br />They say that true love hurts,<br />Well this could almost kill me. Young love murder, that is what this must be.<br />And I would give it all, to not be sleeping alone. The life is fading from me, while you watch my heart bleed.<br />Young love murder, that is what this this must be. And I would give is all, to not be sleeping alone.</blockquote><br /><br />I'm right there with her words. I'm in the pocket. And I did not expect such a moving story and portrait of love and loss from her.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-34749853756411819012011-07-11T01:57:00.000-07:002011-07-11T02:34:35.765-07:00Love.Sometimes you know what you're looking for, but you don't know who it'll look like.<br /><br />I know I'm looking for love. Not in the overzealous kind of way, but it stays in the back of my head. I know I'll get it because I'm giving it away every day of my life through the way I smile, the way I breathe, and the way I am.<br /><br />I'm okay with letting go. These past couple of months, I've been kept on my toes on what it means to feel.<br /><br />I went to China faced with a dilemma. Decide. Decide to take a chance on someone who gave me mixed feelings because he had to ask for forgiveness from the start. Or someone else who gave me mixed feelings because although he is a great friend, his strong feelings and timing felt wrong to my instincts.<br /><br />My trip to China was ... everything. :) That's the only word to describe it. <br /><br />When I stepped on American soil I knew what I had to do. Of course I let time settle so I would prevent any rash decision making to occur.<br /><br />I'm in the middle of living true to myself and taking action according to that principle. One thing I always keep in the back of my head is that sometimes the pursuit of love is the same as getting the career you desire or the item you want in a bustling shopping center of peddlers. You can allow yourself to be distracted by what's out there, or you can go for what you want.<br /><br />Additionally, it may be hard to say no to someone when they're so kind, and when they've done nothing wrong, but when it comes to matters of the heart, it's a different story. I'm a compromising person everywhere else in my life, but when it comes to who gets my heart, I will be ruthless. :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-68382611960684340292011-01-01T03:29:00.000-08:002011-03-16T03:32:47.079-07:00The Positivity Continues.So after 365 posts on Positivity (OMG I'm SO proud of myself!!!! I did it!!!)<br /><br />I realize I would like to make a change on this blog.<br /><br />I WILL continue Positivity blogs, but as inspiration comes, since my style has been long quality posts instead of the short snappy ones I thought I'd be cranking out. :)<br /><br />So they will come... at various intervals, but you can count on the fact that if I am alive, they will continue coming. <br /><br />Until the next update, this is how it goes. :)<br /><br />For 2011 - here's to keeping the positive flame alive. I've been doing so well.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-29036727076777824172010-12-31T00:48:00.000-08:002011-03-16T03:29:26.457-07:00New Year!February 2011 - :) Things are well. They always are.<br /><br />Ever since my inspiring weekend last week, I've just been so amazed at the photos I took so long ago, when I retouched them a little bit in Camera Raw, how invigorated and amazing they appear now. <br /><br />I'm falling back in love with the craft, and I appreciate my new camera so much more. <br /><br />Such a fun hobby, and I can say, I'll never know everything about it, but I'm so excited to learn more and more techniques and work closer to being able to get the images I want on a more consistent basis. Experimentation is always fun, and I never want to lose that mindset. <br /><br />Here are some things I've learned over the past years.<br />*I never know when something amazing will come up, but there really is beauty in everything. It's my interpretation as an artist to find that perspective, and capture it. The gift lies in the interpretation. If I didn't have the firm belief that there was beauty around me, I wouldn't capture half the moments I did, and I wouldn't be able to interpret the photos I did take (by cropping, etc).<br />*There are a lot of things you can prize about the photo... the unique subject matter, the composition, the angle, the depth of field, the colors, the contrast, the size of the photo, etc. And this is where the beauty lies. There are tons of ways to make a photo special.<br />*I can't compare myself to other photographers or simply say, he/she is better than me, or I am better than him/her. As in life, everyone sees things differently, and I'm sure if they gave themselves the chance, they could create something interesting. Time and time again I see some AMAZING photos from amateur photographers that simply had the courage to take the photo, in the moment. They may not have thought of the composition, the depth of field, or any of those elements, but still deserving, they created a fantastic photo they deemed interesting. And we can always learn from these serendipitous photos and also those methodical photoshoots that take staged lighting, tripods, and hundreds of shots to get the 'one'.<br />*There will be photo sessions where no good photos will come of it. That's okay. It's the price of learning!<br />*Each type of photography comes with a different set of challenges, which means a different arsenal of tools should be used to capture exactly what you want. (e.g. macro lens for macro photography, portrait shots - telephoto lens, night photos - long exposures/tripods, etc). There's a lot to learn! :D<br />*It should always be fun!<br /><br />Oy! I've been writing for too long - I must wake up to go to 10am class tomorrow! :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-20847541755100845552010-12-30T22:17:00.000-08:002010-12-30T22:36:02.117-08:00Last Stretch.So.. it's December 30th. <br /><br />:) <br /><br />My promise to myself on January 1st of this year was to have a post per day!<br /><br />Although I underestimated the difficulty of this task, when I re-read what I wrote, I really do surprise myself. This has been great. I realized that this journal has a purpose for me and anyone that may stumble upon it. If there were days where I couldn't find the positivity I needed to push myself, I could always refer back to the entire year of 2010: read the 365 posts of memories, thoughts, streams of consciousness, or feelings about how I'm doing a great job and to just keep going for another day.<br /><br />Deep breath.<br /><br />I feel a bit nervous. I usually find out something I didn't know about myself by investigating myself this deeply. I'm going to be deeply thinking about the past few months - the whole year too - and it's this kind of deep focus that I don't do much until there's a crisis.<br /><br />It's crisis mode, but it's good for me. I need to fulfill this promise to myself because it means I've truly changed as an individual and it's symbolic at how I'm a much different person.<br /><br />See you guys on the other side - This has been the happiest, most successful year in my life. Here's to 2011 - second servings of what I had in 2010, but better quality and refinement! :DUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-90624895893797722522010-12-29T23:06:00.000-08:002011-01-03T02:10:15.059-08:00Non-Controversial.To me, positivity is about the non-controversial. It's about bringing together, and not focusing on the topics that divide. It's when my parents start talking about politics, trying to foist their opinions on me, that I try my hardest to bring out the zen side, the calm, that Mother Teresa-esque side that I think we are all capable of.<br /><br />It takes power to do it consistently and day-in, day-out.<br /><br />I think most people would connect non-controversial with boring. <br /><br />I also think most people would connect controversial with... exciting or entertaining. Maybe it's why the media and our news is laden with sensational headlines or the TV shows that do well are the ones that satiate our hunger for drama.<br /><br />I'm all about bringing people together. I'm about honesty. Sometimes those two clash. I want everyone to have a good time, be happy in this present moment - but someone else may want everyone to have a reality check and bring their form of honesty to the table. <br /><br />Every day I will choose bringing people together over forcing the truth down someone's throat. For all I know, my perceptions of the truth may be wrong. I may not yet know the exact ingredients to living the best life, so all I am empowered to do is leave a zero-negativity footprint. <br /><br />I've realized this year that a lot of my friends and family don't understand this way of life. But misunderstanding doesn't mean there can't be respect, and love. I feel like I've tried the negativity approach for the last 20 years. This one works a WHOLE LOT better.<br /><br />It is entirely possible to be non-controversial and still be a fascinating, interesting, and classy individual. It'll take much more work however, than simply relying on knowing one's hot buttons and pressing them at the right time to get a reaction.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-66223410270158989522010-12-28T00:37:00.000-08:002011-01-03T02:16:52.767-08:00Betrayal.Most of my blogs are about the present times, but this one goes back to the archives - the past. It was inspired by a dance number on So You Think You Can Dance, performed by Neil and Kent. [Link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blG2O2omEd4]<br /><br />The piece is about relationships and the deterioration of one, with betrayal. In the routine, there are just certain parts that capture the emotion so well. Neil and Kent are standing with their arms around the other's shoulders. Neil ducks under his arm and leaves him behind.<br /><br />There's also the part where Neil strums his hand in anticipation and blood lust before he backstabs Kent; I can't even begin to describe how real that was. <br /><br />It couldn't get more real when Kent started to fight back.<br /><br />A year ago, right before the clock struck midnight, I had a choice. I could start 2010 on my terms, or I could start on his. <br /><br />I scrolled over his name, saw his number, and for a long time, I knew this moment was coming. Dozens of times, I just set the phone on lock and paced around, gripping the phone in hand like it had a trigger.<br /><br />My cousin, normally upbeat and lighthearted, said with a somber and understanding voice, "Just call him. Start the year off right."<br /><br />I walked outside to the garage and the crisp air bit me. I exhaled and pressed his name. I heard all of the rings and heard the lifeless automatic voicemail message. My message was unassuming, full of congratulations for the new year and hope, placing my best foot forward as if it'd be my last. With dignity.<br /><br />Relief set in. I did all I could do. I was still bright eyed.<br /><br />The days past by. There was never a call. <br /><br />I started out with such belief and hope. I knew his habits, and I felt, as a symbol of positivity and strength, I was magnetic enough to draw him in to overcome any of his doubts and pessimism. The time that passed began to speak louder than the precious moments we had. While my body screamed in anguish, my heart galvanized itself with strength better than I could have ever orchestrated with intellect. My bright eyes returned but they were different. <br /><br />I had no idea that he would slip from under my arm, thinking we stood side by side all along. I didn't realize it'd hurt so much when he made a conscious choice to disappear.<br /><br />Like in the dance routine, I fought back and I got closure on my own terms. I said in 2010, there would be no patience for disrespect when it came to my heart.<br /><br />Sincerely, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-6191576052496077802010-12-27T04:59:00.001-08:002010-12-30T23:05:47.110-08:00Touched.My dad got to me when he told me his views about friendship. 'They are temporary. Family is the only one you can truly count on. If something happened to you, which of your so called friends would come help you out? Get your phone out right now. Tell them you need help because you're stranded somewhere. Which of them are your friends?<br /><br />I was insulted at the accusations. I was frustrated. It's a matter of opinion. <br /><br />Time abated my strong feelings.<br /><br />I told my best friend what happened.. the words that upset me.<br /><br />I said, "My dad asked, 'If you were out stranded in between Houston to Austin because your car broke down, who would help you out?'"<br /><br />Immediately in between my story, he said, "I would come get you."<br /><br />That statement touched my heart.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-51489727440503053032010-12-26T03:20:00.000-08:002011-03-16T03:28:54.445-07:00Salsa.March 2011 - Why yes, salsa is a great food class.<br /><br />Haha, this actual dance class is such great fun. I love that I committed to it, because it's been so fun to have actual steps to be able to perform on the dance floor.<br /><br />When I partied with George this weekend, I did some salsa moves with Christine, and she ... attempted... to mimic my smooth moves. It just felt natural to do, and I had a great time.<br /><br />I have realized, you can really dance latin steps to any song. Really. Just try. Pick a slow song, fast song, the basic step can be implemented universally.<br /><br />The class is so fun, and I have such a great time dancing with the guys. I would love to accelerate my learning, but for the commitment level we all have, I think we're progressing nicely. <br /><br />We learned choreography which was tough, but the actual steps Lucia taught us, are ones I won't ever forget. I love the turns and improvising with the guy I'm dancing with.<br /><br />Something that's been difficult to learn are the hand movements and the 'style' to embed in the dance. That has been much harder than the footwork. But after practicing in the mirror, I think I've got it! :)<br /><br />Salsa is all in the mind -- then it comes out in the presentation. ^_^ Happy dancing.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-62997823321761260242010-12-25T23:51:00.000-08:002010-12-31T00:03:05.538-08:00Christmas.This was the first year, I didn't care about the presents. I used to feel like a collector, where I'd collect 'payment' or presents from everyone and for that end only. How empty. :( Over the year, the materialism has meant less and less. I don't want it to be who I am. "Is this physical thing going to make my life happier?" Usually it's a no. So I'm proud of myself for being able to let those desires go.<br /><br />I was really happy at what I got, the little I did. For sure.<br /><br />The thing that touched me the most was thinking to myself, "Someone thought about me. They thought about me enough to go out and use their money for my benefit. Also, they wrapped a present for me. They delivered it to me. For me."<br /><br />For everyone that got me presents - it meant a lot to me.<br /><br />Christmas is my favorite time of the year because it brings everyone together. It's really fun! As I played Just Dance and Just Dance 2 for 4 hours straight with my cousins, I forgot how fun it was to let go, let the adults do the planning, and just feast... play... and kick it. :) Great times.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-80259241109015965372010-12-24T02:26:00.000-08:002011-03-16T03:05:16.969-07:00UH Art Contest.February 2011 - I read the signs in the M.D. Anderson library for an art contest. Submissions were being accepted from all majors at the university. I immediately saw myself putting something together and being on the wall. <br /><br />I knew I had to try.<br /><br />I put in many hours to create the best collage I could. My theme was Houston and the concept of home, and the symbolism of the beauty within it that is oft overlooked.<br /><br />I put in my collage into Walgreens.com, and was happy to see that it would be finished at approximately 7pm, SuperBowl Sunday. That would only take one hour. There were MANY MANY obstacles to come. <br /><br />At around 9pm, I was concerned that I received no confirmation for my collage via email. I thought it could be a simple administrative error so I called the OST Walgreens for myself. They said that they received my order, but they were having issues, so they would call me back at my number. I was very forgiving for this because I placed the order in early, and figured at the latest, I'd get it in a few hours. No sweat off my back.<br /><br />At about 11pm, I was still concerned, so I called back and asked for an update, and they told me that my order was accidentally deleted. I was flabbergasted, but tried to keep my cool, which was helped when she said that I could simply re-submit my collage online. I asked the obvious question, what if my collage didn't exist anymore? She said, it should still be there, along with my account. That made sense to me, and before I got off the phone, she mentioned there'd be a shift change so I would be speaking to a new manager but that he would be briefed and I would get a 50% discount for my troubles. <br /><br />I wasn't bothered by this. I still had the morning to deal, and again, nothing was lost, although I fought to get the collage in the exact arrangement as I previously had. I was a bit hurt that they would not call me to let me know. <br /><br />At this point I got to the last prompt of the online submission of my collage, and Walgreens could not locate a store for me to pick-up my collage. I took a few deep breaths and tried again, several times. After that, I called the Walgreens OST location. I was speaking to the new manager, who seemed unemotional and unsympathetic towards me. I explained my situation, and he simply said, the system is rebooting and my order wouldn't be able to go through until 2am. I was just speechless from the heartlessness. I asked if I could go in person to handle this, and he said, the entire system boots up, so it wouldn't help. After a long silence, he says, I am sorry, in a very insincere way.<br /><br />I get off the phone with many words left to say but no audience. I immediately call customer service for Walgreens and pour my heart out, but it is only until the end when the sweet phone representative asks for my number to call me, do I break down. My voice is uneven, it's cracking, and I can't articulate the numbers with the strength that I did when I told my story. She says all of the right things, and I feel so much better that a stranger could uplift me.<br /><br />I take a nap, and wake up at 4am to find the system up and running. I try again, and my submission goes through. I want them to work at this during the morning. I fall back asleep. It's noon.<br /><br />I check my voicemail, and it's Walgreen's. I call them back, and a new manager wants to hear my side of the story, to which, after a night of sleep sounds completely different from the emotional one I told hours ago to the phone representative. She tells me with a ring of optimism in her voice that my order is ready and if I'm planning to pick it any time soon. I'm surprised by the urgency, and say I'll be coming in an hour or so.<br /><br />I get dressed and I arrive at Walgreens. I am ready to pay and submit my art piece at the Architecture building. She informs me that only a $5 discount will be taken and at this point, I don't want to argue. I just want to focus on the outcome of submitting my collage, so I oblige. She makes a joke that I should probably see what's in it and if it's to my liking. <br /><br />To everyone's chagrin, the box is empty. It turns out the print order never ran. Now, if I didn't love everyone on this planet to an extent, I would've flipped out, but flipping out doesn't help anything. I give a wry grin, knowing that I can't react the way that hordes of disgruntled customers have; I've got to keep it cool. <br /><br />She is on a mad frenzy to talk to someone on the phone to lead her through, and I need to go to class soon, so I let the cashier know if I should just come back later. She gets off the phone and apologizes, and asks if I can wait 10-15 minutes. I pause, and say yes. I then sit down and someone mistakes me for an employee and I try to help her for a few seconds before realizing, I'm not qualified. :) <br /><br />I start to make the best out of waiting, and I'm being thoroughly entertained when she comes and finds me at one of the aisles with my box collage. I smile, and walk with her when she says, I'm so sorry, and here you go. I say, okay, are we going to pay for this? And she says, no. It's on us. I ask, are you sure? She says, yes. And smiles. I say, thank you, and give her a hug. <br /><br />I leave the Walgreens with my pride, because I let the employees keep theirs today. She made a comment earlier that she knew I was the one who bought it, and to this day, I for the life of me do not know how she could 'know'. :)<br /><br />Phase 2 - I bought my frame at Texas Art Supply for approximately $30 and after asking several questions. I was happy with my choice and after learning how to put the collage in, I felt a bit more accomplished at how much I learned.<br /><br />Phase 3 - After calling the Architecture school, it turns out they extended the deadline. Thank goodness. I had a couple of days to sort out when I could turn it in. <br /><br />I wait until the last day, and there's no proper gaps to go home during the day, so I end up having to carry my collage in the harshest rain Houston has felt in a long time. My collage gets super wet and I pray that the cosmetic damage doesn't affect my chances. There's a huge scratch from the metal of my jeans from when I walked furiously to school and held the frame with one arm.<br /><br />I get to class, and after Admin lab, Sanjay is a sweetheart and carries my frame for me. It's still raining, and we get inside the architecture building, and it feels as if it's the last leg of a marathon. I get inside, and the library is quiet, and I declare that I want to turn in my submission. The lady inside is beaming and has me sign some forms. The forms I had were wet, soggy, and probably very unprofessional looking. I apologize for the dampness of these papers and my submission.<br /><br />She hands me some paper towels, and me and Sanjay try to clean up the water to the best of our ability off of the actual collage paper. <br /><br />It wasn't ideal, but life often isn't, so I turned it in with pride and a sense of relief at what this journey symbolized weighed heavily on me. After a few days, I got an email saying decisions were the most difficult this year due to the sheer amount of submissions, and my piece unfortunately was not accepted.<br /><br />I had my acceptance with this news, and then I quickly bounced back and wrote an email to the person who coordinated this contest and thanked her for the opportunity to put my newfound art skills to the test.<br /><br />I thanked her for allowing me to VIE for something that was meaningful. I had never had this kind of outlet before and there was something within me that blossomed beautifully. My inner artist that yearned to be free. Plenty of successful people began as failures. But the distinction is they kept going and going, which is what I intend to do. I love the piece, and when I picked it up in the holding room, I felt like a proud parent of this photography collage.<br /><br />Years ago, I would have never attempted this kind of feat, but this whole year of growth has changed a lot of notions, and with that is the addition of the title, Artist.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-53380551383042037512010-12-23T02:20:00.000-08:002011-01-13T07:35:56.039-08:00Romance.After finals ended, I went through a battery of TV show watching. I finished watching this really interesting show called the Millionaire Matchmaker.<br /><br />The host is Patti Stanger. Apparently she's a 3rd generation matchmaker, who was taught by her mom predominantly about the values and what it takes to create great dates and how to match people based on compatibility. For the first few shows, I disagreed on a lot of points that Patti had to make. I also disagreed with her approach; she was abrasive, blunt, and she judged people based on appearance with comments that were downright harsh. <br /><br />After TWO entire seasons of hearing Patti Stanger's phrases, her rationale, the way she made decisions, I felt like I took a crash course in matchmaking and ... for myself, I think I've gained some nuggets of wisdom on how to approach the romance world. It was pretty eye-opening, some of the conceptions that have changed in my mind, especially when I thought I would only be gaining sensational entertainment value, like MTV or something. :)<br /><br />Here are some of the gems:<br />*I found it interesting that when she created mixers for her millionaires, she always put a 'test' candidate in there, that would be the WRONG choice. Someone she knew the millionaire chose as a 'type', and this 'type' usually didn't work out. Patti felt that the best way to learn is to be able to have the realism of an actual choice of two people presented in front of you - so you can truly showcase that you've learned the lesson of not choosing the person that's bad for you, the person that's just gorgeous on the outside and much younger, but not much in terms of true comptability. The word compatibility has gained a lot more meaning to me.<br />*When I think of the guys I have met, or the guys I used to completely deem as perfect, I can see how I chose my 'type', or the ones that might be physically attractive, but I noticed the trend... it wouldn't last if that's all it was based upon. I can now, turn my back on someone that's very good looking, and before, it would be like torture, but seeing it happen 30 times in a row on TV, makes it hard for me not to anchor this lesson and make the right choice. I know I would not be happy with someone that doesn't do it for me physically and emotionally. It's just when it comes to the physical factor, it's pretty broad, so the emotional connection is way important to me. <br />*Being charming and just a pleasant fun person doesn't come as a given with age. As I watched dozens of late 30-somethings and 40 something year olds go on dates galore, there were some tactless personalities and situations that caused my jaw to drop on the ground. Age doesn't refine someone automatically... it takes work, and hopefully I'm doing alright.<br />*Time is so valuable. Yes, there's always time to learn and experiment. But in the prime years of a person's life, one's youth, she really convinced me to not waste it on the guys that aren't in it for real. And one thing I've learned is that one's hook up value is not the same as their relationship value = truthfully to say, just because someone will hook up with you does not mean they will settle down with you. Putting that in perspective, I'd rather spend my time trying to find something that will work for me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1886802701054080872.post-39947155907653476802010-12-22T19:27:00.001-08:002010-12-22T22:18:50.578-08:00Paradise Circus.This song by Massive Attack, Paradise Circus, is so ethereal and sensual. It's amazing. <br /><br />I first heard the song as background music in True Blood, the TV show I'm quite enamored by, which is about vampires, werewolves, and other supernatural creatures in their attempts to coexist. :) The premise underdelivers how awesome the show is.<br /><br />Paradise Circus evokes emotional undertones, and I've been thinking a lot about which emotions it strikes. I think it cuts through any layers I may have on at the moment and it has a way of keeping me honest on an emotional level. It keeps me exposed, expressive, and raw. There are few songs that can just... open a person up like that. On a tangent, music is the fastest thing to evoke an emotional reaction, and I find that amazing.<br /><br />Over the past year, as I've absorbed things here and there, and I've questioned the function of everything. It's really gotten me more attuned to psychology and understanding the motives for why people create thigns. The pieces have been fitting together like puzzle pieces as numerous A-ha! moments happened this year. I understand more and more how interconnected things are, such as music, current events, and the attitudes we as human beings take on. Watching movies, and how the actors portray their characters starts to make a whole lot of sense when I start to understand what they are motivated by. Everything is intertwined...<br /><br />I've been thinking a while at what would be a good fitting song for my photography website portfolio. It's supposed to be a background or a primer to set the mood and to paint the photographs a certain way, and I think it's a good choice. :) YAY for serendipity.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0