I've never had a muse.
Someone that's personally inspiring to you that just gets the blood flowing for you to create.
Why is he my muse?
Well, he's just about shattering every prejudgment I had, and he just relentlessly surprised me. And there aren't too many people who can.
For a while there had been a teeny voice in my head questioning... was I more wise at 19 than I am now, at 21? I've implemented changes and seeing little payoff for the exhibition of 'goodness' I was conveying when it came to finding... love. Was it in vain?
I knew very little about him when I first met him. And I felt like my maturity is still growing, but the open mindedness I've acquired helped me be receptive to the complex and gentle soul he really was, not the one-dimensional person I pegged him to be.
Every day is a challenge in applying what you know, because on one hand you're told to listen to your instincts, and on the other hand you're told to get out of your comfort zone to achieve results you've never had. Sometimes, I don't know which way to go.
But that night, as we sat across each other and for the first time in a long time just talked about our philosophies, I really found that my prejudgments were wrong.
I asked myself, what now? What happens when someone totally exceeds your expectations and could possibly be what you were looking for?
In my mind, there was a film reel of every boy I had ever known and had an affinity for. He didn't match that ideal in looks, education, background, or anything. But there I was, still wanting to learn more. So perplexed that I thought I had things figured out, when... I think the hallmark of my maturity was being able to still admit not knowing.
This article says it best about me overcoming my preconceived notions about what I was looking for: "...only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man's character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? ... Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.
Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl."
One of the things that I kept ruminating over was the concept of intelligence and post-secondary education, i.e. going to college. He hadn't, and yet in talking with him, he seemed like the brightest bulb I had talked to in a long time. And also, his values and talents seemed to far surpass mine. He can draw so well and he knows how to weld and do a numerous amount of things.
It was a bit uncomfortable to be brought to my knees by someone that I expected to have appear at mine. :) But I am opening my mind to respecting the diversity that comes in its many infinite forms. He has taught me something about myself and the way the world works.
Never say never.