Then and Now.

Sometimes when I feel like I am plateauing in my growth and that I haven't achieved real strides of progress I start to think about where I started. It's so far from where I am now, and I need to remember that.

I used to always drink sodas and loved white breads and ate lots of fried foods.

But I believe strongly in this quote: "When we know better, we do better."

I don't think twice about opting to drink water or juice instead of a soft drink, is one behavior that is far different than my childhood years.

Additionally, I remember all throughout my child and teen years, I never wore a bikini. I just wouldn't do it. I didn't have the self-confidence and I didn't work out. Now, it's all I wear when I'm lounging poolside or at the beach but I have to remember, I didn't start there. It was a huge and slow steady race that I finished.

I wasn't the one to strike conversation with a stranger in line and I wasn't one to offer a smile at others without cause. My modus operandi was to be quiet and let others know me. My face, often expressionless.

I don't have to be able to do an Ironman tomorrow. But I know that if I change my life slowly, for the better, and become stronger, faster, and healthier than I was yesterday, then I WILL GET THERE.

This post is to celebrate the journey I've taken. I've become more positive, smarter, stronger, healthier, loving, and considerate than I've ever been - in my humble opinion.

The Harold Song.

This is a song by Ke$ha and it's about missing the one who got away.

Who knew that a Ke$ha song could bring me to my knees?

I Miss Your Soft Lips,
I Miss Your White Sheets.
I Miss The Scratch Of Your Shaved Face On My Cheek.
And this is so hard,
Cause I didn't see,
That you were the love of my life and it kills me.
I see your face in, strangers on the street.
I still say your name when I'm talking in sleep.
And in the long light, I play it all fine.
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.

But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.

[Chorus]
They say that true love hurts,
Well this could almost kill me. Young love murder,
That is what this must be.
I would give it all,
To not be sleeping alone.
The life is fading from me,
While you watch my heart bleed. Young love murder, that is what this this must be.
And I would give is all,
To not be sleeping alone.

[Verse Two]
Remember the time we, jumped the fence when the Stones were playing, and we were to broke to get in.
You held my hand and they made me crawl.
Kesha The Harold Song lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/kesha-the-harold-song-lyrics.html

I swear to God that it was the best night of my life.
Or when you took me, across the world,
We promised this would last forever but now I see.
It was my past life.
A beautiful time.
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sunlight. Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sunlight.

[Chorus]
They say that true love hurts,
Well this could almost kill me. Young love murder,
That is what this must be.
And I would give it all,
To not be sleeping alone.
The life is fading from me,
While you watch my heart bleed. Young love murder,
That is what this this must be.
And I would give is all,
To not be sleeping alone.

[Bridge]
It was the past life.
A beautiful time.
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sunlight.

[Chorus]
They say that true love hurts,
Well this could almost kill me. Young love murder, that is what this must be.
And I would give it all, to not be sleeping alone. The life is fading from me, while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murder, that is what this this must be. And I would give is all, to not be sleeping alone.

I'm right there with her words. I'm in the pocket. And I did not expect such a moving story and portrait of love and loss from her.

Love.

Sometimes you know what you're looking for, but you don't know who it'll look like.

I know I'm looking for love. Not in the overzealous kind of way, but it stays in the back of my head. I know I'll get it because I'm giving it away every day of my life through the way I smile, the way I breathe, and the way I am.

I'm okay with letting go. These past couple of months, I've been kept on my toes on what it means to feel.

I went to China faced with a dilemma. Decide. Decide to take a chance on someone who gave me mixed feelings because he had to ask for forgiveness from the start. Or someone else who gave me mixed feelings because although he is a great friend, his strong feelings and timing felt wrong to my instincts.

My trip to China was ... everything. :) That's the only word to describe it.

When I stepped on American soil I knew what I had to do. Of course I let time settle so I would prevent any rash decision making to occur.

I'm in the middle of living true to myself and taking action according to that principle. One thing I always keep in the back of my head is that sometimes the pursuit of love is the same as getting the career you desire or the item you want in a bustling shopping center of peddlers. You can allow yourself to be distracted by what's out there, or you can go for what you want.

Additionally, it may be hard to say no to someone when they're so kind, and when they've done nothing wrong, but when it comes to matters of the heart, it's a different story. I'm a compromising person everywhere else in my life, but when it comes to who gets my heart, I will be ruthless. :)