Come Clean.

I remember 8th grade, when I loved this song.

:) Life is about relishing the new experiences you take on, but also remembering the ones you had.

But as always, I pick up my bags, and move forward!

Boot Camp.

More than a year since I first met him, I have been telling Manny that I will come to his Boot Camp class.

Finally. This Monday, I DID IT!!!!

It was as intense as I had heard.

After the first 7 minutes, I was definitely worn out, but I persisted and pushed until the hour was over.

Manny has NO MERCY and I love it.

Different jumping moves, suicides, lunges galore, ab moves, leap frogs, just all over the place ridiculousness that made my heart work and the sweat pour.

It was good for me. I ended up being sore for the next 3 days.

I talked with a guy after class, and he told me to keep at it. I'll get used to it. I know I will. I'm very proud of myself for closing off this ticket though. I said I would try it, and although it's more than a year later, I'm keeping my word.

Plyometrics.

Vivian and I had been going to the gym (yay us!) and we met these folks doing ab ripper X while we were stretching up to leave the gym soon.

I remarked on some of the moves they were doing, and I missed the intensity of P90X. So we talked a bit, and they invited us to do plyometrics the next day. Of course I jumped on that opportunity.

The next day, I was ready. More sweat came out of me than it had for a long time. The room couldn't have felt more hot. I was motivated to keep going by the other 6 people in the room with me, grinding it out, and just doing it. I hit the wall many times, but I am most proud of getting through it. I couldn't walk for the next 2 days, but there is something so rewarding about completing Plyometrics.

My fitness goal is something I want to get right. But the difference between completing a goal and not is REALLY wanting it.

Homebody.

I enjoy the quiet moments with my family at my home in Spring.

I don't mind the drive at all. Whether I take the 2920 route, Louetta, or Rankin to get here, it feels good to come home.

For a week now, I planned to come home and have the family all go out to eat.

We spent the afternoon taking my cousins and I out to Walmart. It's the little things, the simple things, I really appreciate. It elevated my happiness so much to get necessities like gum, and more non-perishable foods to take home, and a few comfort items I've been going without for a while.

The pinnacle was definitely going out to eat as a family. It doesn't happen all too often.

After a bit of resistance and backtalk from my dad after driving to my Grandparents' house and going all the way to Bellaire to eat, I succeeded in corralling the family to come to a new Chinese restaurant to eat. It's funny, my dad may ask me, "Why were you so set on us coming all the way out here?" I laugh, but I know the answer deep inside is, "We need an excuse to go and spend time together. Otherwise, it won't happen." Whatever it takes to do it, I'll do it. My dad invited my grandfather, and it was cute to see him take out his dad and make a big fuss out of it.

I can't recall the name of the restaurant but it was a very classy looking place. There were rooms set aside for private parties that looked like a classy dining room with regal curtains and the stately colors that come with luxury like gold and red.

We ordered much of the same, but there were a few standouts like the pan fried noodles, walnut shrimp, fried rice, cai lang, and some others. I was so full by the meal's end that I walked around the strip mall with my brother. I found a place that had Asian pizzas with the most interesting toppings I'd ever seen. :) The things you discover if you just look. This day was a very good memory in my life.

Classes.

I'm part of the 1% of the entire world that is privileged enough to have a college education!! So this fall semester I'm going to rock it. After being in school for a while, let me comment on the overall goals I hope to take away from each of my classes, and why I'm happy to be in my school courses.

*TP2 - This is it. We put the 3 together. Client, server, and database to create a small but working Transaction Processing System. It's the mother of all classes, but I know that it's also redemption for how I did in TP1. So let's do this!! I want to walk away feeling accomplished that I can do the assignments he gives us!

*Management - Everything I've learned in Industrial/Organizational Behavior and business is being put together. The topics are so interesting, to defining what Management is, to deciding Strategy, to dissecting the importance of Teams, and so on. It is highly fascinating and I feel this will be a great reference book for years to come. DeFrank is always a riot to listen to as well. :)

*Project Management - I got real-world exposure to it this summer in Chevron. I want to apply what I'm learning to our client, ALBA. I want to have an overall framework in my mind, so when I approach a project, I'm thinking about what could go wrong and hope to make a difference in achieving success for the project.

*Economics of Globalization - Alex, my lovely former treasurer, wants to work at the World Bank. Obviously he finds it sexy. I want to discover the sex appeal he sees, and my professor too (who also refers to it as sexy). These classes are great but they take a lot of investment to understand the entire picture. This class aims to show me how tariffs, trade barriers, etc work together to keep the macroeconomy of the globe functioning. These are institutions holding the world together, not just an invisible hand.

:) On top of school, there's my recruiting endeavors and passions that keep me very busy! How exciting.

Self-Knowledge.

This year in Positivity is a daily exercise to teach me to reframe negative thoughts, bring positive ones to light, and to get in the habit of reflecting.

But as I sit here reflecting, I find this blog has become more than that.

I discuss many themes and topics where I'm having a discourse with myself - pinning down what my answers are and narrowing down the gray area.

These posts where I meander my way to some sort of realization is not ostensibly 'positive'. I ask myself, why do I post these? Why do I gravitate to these when I can post "The sun was beautiful today; feeling the Vitamin D soak into my skin is a feeling I wish I could soak up in a bottle - so that in times of rain or darkness, I could open it up and smile." See. That's POSITIVE. :) But I think another aspect of positivity is addressing the adversity. Addressing the unknown. The fear.

A wise man once said, "Everything preventing you from reaching your highest peak can be attributed to a conversation in your head. Check the conversation."

I have just realized the act of talking about these things in blog form or verbal form is my way of checking my conversation. It has certainly helped me. :) It's like booking a coffee date with myself. Only no coffee, and no late-night jitters.

Here's to a great rest of the year. This blog has been an amazing, therapeutic ritual for me that I look forward to on those cathartic nights.

I don't have the 'must blog now' inspiration every night. But when I do, I feel electric. :) [Speaking of, I will get back to my 1 post per day soon!]

Self-Assurance.

This quote sums it up best. From AMC's Mad Men, Don Draper looks into buying a car. The salesman says, "Someone like you, you don't need to see yourself in a Cadillac; you're walking about in one every day" and tells him he'd be as comfortable in one of the cars as he is in his own skin.

A situation came up today, and I've re-framed it to feel this.

I got a text message from one of the Chevron interns, telling me he got a full-time offer. I was so happy for him! That was wonderful wonderful news and I didn't doubt for a second that he wouldn't be back on board. The only drawback is he'll be in Midland :( which is very far from Houston, but not off the grid. He asks me if I've heard back from Chevron, and I say "No" but I tell him I'm supposed to hear back in late September (before I got an email saying actually.. make that October). I ask my friend who else has an offer. I get a text a few moments later from another intern, asking if I heard back from Chevron. I repeat the answer I just sent, fully confident because at this point, it's just two interns out of the population here. Then, I get the response back from my question that EVERYONE in our cohort heard back TODAY.

I was shocked and floored, and my first response was one of hurt I'll admit. First, it was the fact that none of it was discussed over the phone. Secondly, I feel very loyal to the company, and to have everyone receive some kind of notice felt like I wasn't very meaningful to the company to not be able to have some sort of communication by now, if my reality seemed like everyone had a response, TODAY.

I regrouped myself, and didn't jump the gun to any conclusions. But it was a huge elephant in my mind, and I was candid to any friends I talked to about it.

The point is, I had glowing reviews about my performance, I meshed well with my team, I had a great experience and imbibed the whole Chevron Way, and I felt confident walking out the door about how it all went. So for now, I resolve to say that the particular departments were not IT, and were able to make these hiring decisions before the department of IT, which is a bit more rocky.

But I'm happy for the offers extended: 1 full-time in Midland, 1 internship in Covington, 1 internship in Houston, and 2 full-time offers in Houston.

I hope that number goes up to 3 soon. :)

Realization.

"Nobody owes you a career. Your career is literally your business. You own it as a sole proprietor. You have one employee: yourself. You need to accept the ownership of your career." - Andrew Grove, Intel Corporation

Connecting.

I've become pretty savvy at meeting people and creating connections with others.

I wouldn't call what I'm about to say 'secrets' but I think this skill prevents a lot of people from making friends, getting close to others, maintaining friendships, and ultimately being happy.

The currency in my book is not the amount of money I have in my bank account but it's my self-worth plus the worth of the relationships I have.

Tip #1: There is no wrong way to introduce someone unless you don't. I fall trap to this sometimes. It can be really ungraceful; I can forget their names, but I need to introduce my friends with each other, so they may do the same. Often, my leadership sets the ball in motion. Set the example.

Tip #2: If I am not introduced, but my friend is talking to another friend, I will interject when polite and say, Hello I'm Charlene, I'm ____'s friend, nice to meet you. This does not need to be said with sarcasm, to make my friend feel bad, but it just needs to be done genuinely. I don't need to hijack the conversation; I just need to prevent myself from being an onlooker for eons.

Tip #3: In a situation where I don't know anyone, there is always the possibility of serendipity. Look friendly. Smile. This is so much easier said than done, and I used to have a huge issue with this. Everyone's face can wear a smile, and if it's been a while since it's been worn, it will feel funny. The more you do it, the more it fits, and the more you want to wear it. Ta-Da! People will gravitate towards you.

Tip #4: I always advocate being proactive despite the above 3 tips. If you genuinely have a comment to say in an elevator, or next to others in line, then by all means say it. The best thing that can happen is a flourishing friendship that happened due to a chance encounter in which a party said something. This doesn't mean say something in EVERY situation. That could be detrimental. The key is, when you have that feeling in your bones that you want to say something - you won't be offput by a lack of practice.

Tip #5: Talk to people as if they are already your friends. The key is to never overdo it. Feel your intuition. Overdoing it is as detrimental as not talking to someone at all. Obviously, if they do not reciprocate in kind, keep it cordial, and hope that a future encounter allows for more trust.

Tip #6: Create situational comments, ask questions, be genuinely curious about a person. If there's a common thread, exploit the hell out of it. (e.g. football game - obviously ask them about how they like UH, what their major is, how long they've been going to school here, what's their favorite place in Houston, etc. OR a birthday party - ask them how they know the host, ask what they got for the host as a present and compare gifts, tell them a funny story about the host)

Seriously. Making friends and keeping them in any arena - the book store, school, work, old friends, friends of friends, etc - is a HUGE skill everyone needs to know.

I love people. Making friends is the most fun job in the world.

Interior Design.

I went into this magnificent house for Dave's birthday. It was held at his cousin's house.

Some of the features:

*An elevator (!!!)
*A wine cellar on the first floor - temperature controlled room and everything.
*Bar
*Kitchen - with stove that heats up to a ridiculous temperature requiring jewelry to be taken off when operated
*Garage with A/C and risers to fit 4 cars in a 2 car garage.
*Lambhorgini
*Each guest bedroom has its own bathroom
*Spanish tile
*Entertainment (movie theater) room with beautiful plush chairs and incredible sound
*Pool table
*Beautiful pool with beach-style entry and a throne embedded in the shallow part of it. There's also a fountain.
*Lounging ceiling covered area with chairs, table, fireplace outside by the pool.
*Embedded grill by the pool.
*Garden.
*Organic bug repellent that sprays in the backyard via a sprinkler-like mechanism.

The list goes on.

The point is, it's a very beautiful, over-the-top home. 7000 sq feet, and definitely too big for the kind of home I'd like, but it did rekindle the Martha Stewart in me. I've always like interior decorating and I know that right now is not the time to think of it in serious terms. But I can still flirt around with what designs I like and keep them in my back pocket for when I get my first apartment after I graduate, get a job, etc. :)

Very, very excited to decorate. It's going to be Minimalist but every piece is going to count. I want to be sure that I don't fall into the Fight Club trap of letting my possessions enslave me. There's always a happy medium and I strongly believe the house that I mentioned above would entangle me too deeply if something were to happen to the house. The key is to let your character do the talking - the apartment is complementary, and it shouldn't be anything more.

Pool.

I've been playing pool a lot lately.

Slick Willies with some colleagues at work.

Sara's Masquerade party with the boys.

Dave's cousin's house with Jayvin.

There's nothing that feels as good as getting the shot in, when you're not sure, or even better when you are.

The last shot I took to get the 8 ball in was magical. I usually line up angles, deliberate, think, straighten up, double check my angle, and then go.

This time, I did what felt right. I eyeballed the angle, paid more attention to the strength of my shot, and went for it.

Done. I jumped up in the air, got a bunch of high fives, and took the title off the mantle of "I'm not that good at pool." ^_^

Masquerade.

Wonderful day celebrating with my beloved best friend, Sara.

Dressed up for her masquerade ball. Black dress. Gloves. Mask [that I bought earlier at Party Boy]. And ostentatious diamond necklace.

I had such a brilliant time. From being in theme, to meeting new people, to hanging out with friends of old, I had a great time. There were drinks, great queso and chips, and a fondue fountain (!!!) with strawberries and banana. Delicious. I was so in heaven.

The girls did Wii Karaoke, the youngin's played video games, and the boys played pool.

I played pool.

And I rocked! At first, pretty bad, and my confidence level waxed and waned as the shots I was making didn't reflect what I envisioned the ball would be doing.

Later on, as I played more and more, I definitely got better as I observed how others shot their ball. I stood up and looked at the table from a bird's eye view instead of leaning too closely to the felt. And by the end of the game, I had an intuitive feel of the angles and I didn't have to look up, self-correct, and do that whole matter all over again.

Also, it was so much fun to banter with the boys. Adam and Jason always tease me, and that's what she said jokes were rampant, so it was a grand old time. I feel very at home with Sara and her friends.

I slept in the guest bedroom and read a cookbook for Skinny Girls that I think I'll look into when I get an apartment. :)

I awoke pretty late and love those lazy afternoons. I watched Family Guy and loved being in the room while Ethan played video games and Sara teased him about playing all the time. It reminds me of my brother's sleepovers as a kid and they would all have snacks in the room and would play Halo all night or whatever games on the N64, Xbox, or PS2, and would be knocked out all night until afternoon. I remember the glare of the TV screen on their eyes and glasses.

<3 Happy 22nd Birthday Sara Cotton Evangelina Medina Weary. ^_^

Miscarriage.

When my coworker confided this occurrence to me, and the fact that it happened twice, I just couldn't believe it.

Especially the positive and light-hearted attitude she and her husband took on. "I don't know how she or he would've competed with Lizzy anyway," for example.

It definitely exceeded the emotional range I've had as of late. To have a baby, I've never felt that. I've also never felt the loss. Twice. I've never built something with someone so spiritual, physical, and emotional, and had it taken from me.

I don't know what it's like, but I knew there's a lot of pain to overcome. She's such a strong person.

So as she went off to leave and prepped her mind for the appointment the next day, I hugged her goodbye and sent my positive energy with her. Although I may not comprehend it, I've felt deep sadness, and I hope she felt comfort that I truly cared.

The Social Network.

I've been reading a lot on The Social Network. Comparisons have been made to The Godfather and Citizen Kane, and it debuts at 100% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Of course, when I first heard of a movie based on Facebook, I didn't know whether it'd be about a fictional story about Facebook and its impact on people or if it was about the inception of Facebook. Turns out, it's about Mark Zuckerberg and the other founders.

Still it was hard to overcome that initial hump to take it seriously. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking of the huge cash cow this story must have, and an opportunity that's just ripe for cashing in on it.

I've changed my mind after reading the critics' reviews. It seems like The Social Network is an attempt to talk about one man's shortcomings with social interaction, and making it into a strength where everyone can benefit with the continued access to people all over the world in real time. I think it tries to capture what everyone on Facebook has felt, in an honest way, despite having to fill in the blanks since Zuckerberg and other co-founders did not give their input for the making of this movie. Starting from the time I saw the trailer of The Social Network. Scala & Kolacny Brothers' cover of Radiohead's Creep was so haunting and it really defines the social netowrking experience.

Also the character of Mark Zuckerberg is fascinating to me. He's a prodigy, to put it simply. Perfect SATs, offered a position with Microsoft at 18 and turned it down, Harvard dropout, and now youngest billionaire and CEO of Facebook. Impressive. But what's more is the inherent social deficiencies that made him see and become successful in creating and coding Facebook. Despite all of his successes, it came from a weakness he's been able to turn into a significant strength. And surprisingly, despite some of the back-stabbing that probably occurred, he's a very sympathetic character.

I'm excited to see the movie that defines the decade. The decade of Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, and other social networking phenomenons that people decades ago couldn't fathom.

Here's the link to Scala and Kolacny Brothers' Creep.

Humanity.

She wanted to pick up some UNICEF things.

We arranged to. I gathered the memories. The glass jars. The ribbon. The fliers. The meeting notes. Advocacy folder. Trick or Treat Boxes. Brochures and handouts galore. Paint, markers, brushes, and 5 years of history and documentation, all in neat boxes to be put in her car and taken away.

I talked her through what I was giving her, reading her silence, and surprised no thoughtful questions came up.

I asked about the first event that would happen this fall. The Cat's Back, she responded. I asked about their retreat. It didn't happen due to busy schedules and a few folks working on the days she tried to set forth. I suggested that if 2 or 3 people can't make it, so be it, move forward without them, but circle back when they are available to let them know that progress is definitely occurring.

I mentioned some officers expressed concern about the lack of momentum. I might have hit a stonewall in her, but no matter, I'd rather be the one to bring it to her attention because she needs a wake up call. It sounded like it was the first time she heard about it anyway.

It's tough to say these things. But really, it's bigger than all of us individuals. The cause, the children, and the humanity gets lost in translation when we talk about leadership, the colors that should be on the UNICEF flyer, and not being able to make it to officer meetings because of an exam.

UNICEF operates in the business of behavioral change management. This is one of THE hardest things to achieve. To change someone's perception, ingrained belief systems, and ultimately their behavior. This is what UNICEF's business model revolves around - emotion. Empathy. Believing that out of all the causes in the world - not even humanitarian ones - but that outfit you need, a few drinks with the guys after work, a litany of things you can spend your money on - UNICEF should be the one you spend your money and emotion on. It is in direct competition with every other cause (humanitarian, medical, health, luxurious, or otherwise) and in the fray, tries to say STOP. But how loud is the voice when everything clamors louder, 24/7? Think of a busy highway versus the sound of one person.

Not many people hear the voice. This person says, "Look at these children that exist under your watch. They are hungry. Thirsty. Emaciated. Uneducated. Tired. We ask, will you do something?" And they expect anyone that will listen to say yes. But before people say yes, they have to hear the whole pitch. In this ADD-centric world we live in, how many people do? Not many. There are so many that would turn this guilt into avoidance, and avoidance into self-loathing and turn a blind eye towards it.

I have to let them pave their own path. I think it takes the strongest people in the world to carry this torch. I pray that it strengthens them like it did to me, after a year of being in a position where I not only had to hold up my members, but my own officers, and myself too. It galvanized me into the incredibly strong person I am today. They need not be afraid to call out to their fellow officers and say, "I think I have lost my humanity in this cause, will you help me find it? If I don't see it, how on earth will I help others?"

This team needs to learn how to ask for help. A team that's so talented, but so busy. They are going down the path of setting everything else above UNICEF as a priority -- effectively making these children... invisible.

I will help UNICEF in my own way. A way where I can sleep at night. A way where I don't lose years off my life because of the stress. A way where I can be, happy. One of the most powerful things I've been through in my life, this new team needs to look at this opportunity as a gift. A gift to see what they're made of, and how to overcome real obstacles, and to find the humanity in themselves.

Playful.

I'm in love with these shoes. These $245 shoes that I will have. I don't often splurge on shoes, but one startling discovery I've made over the years is -- you get what you pay for with heels. If it's cheap, your feet will cry from feeling cheap after a few hours, or in a particular pair, after half an hour. There's always exceptions. I have these pricey grey boots that are excruciating to wear for more than 3 hours.

I am thinking of all the outfits I can pair these shoes with. It will be captivating with all black. It reminds me of the French. Their style can be summed up as having classy, well-fitted clothes, and having one statement piece that throws things off, playfully.

These Donald J Pliner's deserve a nice home. ^_^

Old Journals.

I have 3 journals. The other 2 I can't stand to look at now. Not only the negativity, but the way my insecurities and lack of confidence show.

There are things that stick out like a sore thumb, and it really makes me proud to see the way I've grown and the knowledge I've gained.

There's territory I haven't crossed yet, but I definitely feel like I'm well armed to take on anything based on the experience I've had.

I wrote about boy troubles, college rejections, parental drama, my college decision, and more. As I look back, there was so much more strength I had in me that I let be overshadowed by the circumstances.

Now - I'm galvanized. I'm bulletproof. I know I'm beautiful, strong, and endearing.

I have a plan. I'm not ruled by my to-do list, but I'm not an aimless wanderer. I take time to smell the roses, along the path I've been forging.

I laugh, but I'm focused. I have my eye on the prize, but it doesn't mean I'm not open to another prize. As a professional, I feel I have much to bring to the table. I never want to stop learning.

My current writings (2010) reflect this focus. My posts have a centralized theme I'm going for. They are focused. Consequently they are shorter. ;) No longer do I write just to chronicle my day. I spend my time living, and capturing the mood in words, not so much the details that detract.

Live smarter = slogan for 2010.

Best Summer Ever.

As I say goodbye to the interns, I have to reflect on the wonderful summer we had together. I say it over and over again, but these guys gave me a run for my money, and made me feel grateful for my internship opportunity with Chevron.

Just recounting the sheer number of locations is incredible:

*Minute Maid Park - Astros Game
*Howl at the Moon
*Dave and Buster's (twice)
*Skydive Houston (twice)
*Firkin and Phoenix
*Ra Sushi
*Jordan's pool - Jordan's bday
*Guadalupe River
*6th Street, ATX (The Library, Darwin's - 3 other ones)
*AMC 30 to see Inception
*Flying Saucer (at least 5 times)
*Little Woodrows (at least 5 times)
*The Ginger Man
*Bier Haus
*Shot Bar
*Two Rows (at least 3 times)
*Joystix
*Crave Sushi (for Jeff's bday)
*Lucky Strike
*St. Arnold Brewery Tour
*Lankford Grocery
*Miller Outdoor Theater for Midsummer Night's Dream
*Gotham Pizza
*Museum of Natural Science (twice)
*Amy's Ice Cream
*Jeremy's apt pool for a BBQ
*Jordan's apt for picture reviewing and watching the Hangover
*Brian O'Neill's
*Jeff's apt to play Cranium/wake up early for St. Arnold + say bye to Jordan

At Work - all the neat places we went for lunch:
*Nit Noi (3 times)
*Level 43 - Wedge Place
*Treebeard's (3 times)
*Bouray's
*New York Pizzaria (twice)
*Wimpy's Burger
*Azuma
*Raku Sushi
*Benihana

My other friends!
*Benjy's
*Andalucia
*Spotlight Karaoke (twice)
*Azuma
*Pearl Bar
*Les Girvals
*Oishi
*Edward's - Inception (thrice), Date Night, Toy Story (twice)
*Toyota Center - Lady Gaga
*Soma sushi
*Tokyohana

Relationships.

Great words to live by.

A relationship is like sharing a taxi cab with someone, before you get in one, make sure: 1) YOU know where YOU are going 2) The person you are sharing it with is going in the same direction 3)Each person is willing to share the cost (sacrifices)or ride of life.

I need work on Step 1.

Focus.

“Move forward,” he says. “This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened.” - Don Draper

Maybe Don Draper is not the best person to be getting quotes from, but I believe he has a point here. :)

The key word here is shock. It will shock you how much these past habits never happened, because it is in the past. The mistakes you've made = erased. Everything happening in the present moment and beyond are all that matters.

You're a vagabond, carrying only the tools that will propel you to the future you envision. Everything else, is not physically with you, so leave it behind.

Break the Cycle.

First I was dying to finish high school and start college.
And then I was dying to finish college and start working.
And then I was dying to marry and have children.
And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough for
school so i could return to work.
And then I was dying to retire.
And now, I am dying...and suddenly I realize I forgot to live.

The Only Exception.

Walking out of the apartment, I noticed all the greenery, cars, the smell, the people. Hypersensitivity, as if it were prompted by the scene of a crime. Maybe I was leaving the crime scene. However, the only crime was someone's leaving.

Everything came into focus like never before. I don't know what this all means. I just know that the mystery is okay. It will tell with time.

These past 2 months have been a whirlwind of exceptions.

It was good to let go and forfeit control.
It was good to try a plethora of new experiences with people I hardly knew.
It was great to not have to think too hard.
It was good to always know something was going on.
It was comfortable. It was sweet. It was in the moment.
If I had to say something to them, it'd be, "I'm the energizer bunny that keeps on going. But you guys gave me a run for my money this summer. I feel like I truly seized the day, every day this summer. Thank you for letting me know what I'm capable of, in how to balance my life. You didn't let me get away with not sharing my friendship."

But with them gone, I realize some of the mainstays I can't go without.

Calling more of the shots.
Deep, meaningful conversation. Seeing the essence of the soul in front of me, not being limited by the ticking clock that counts down their stay in Houston.
Ever-positive, accepting, and patient people that I love to be with.

I'm glad this summer, I got to experience something I've been talking about for ages: a crew of friends. I got that this summer. I see the merit in both. In this regard, I remain non-committed to either, married to the world and everything in it. Anything that loves me will understand this.

Today is a New Day.

I feel so renewed.

Like it's the first day I've been ... able to tackle old tasks. I brushed off the dust that's accrued on the old to-do list, not just a list of obligations I'm bound to, but things I DESIRE to do.

Today is amazing. I finally took action. Saw an Ebay posting of a camera I wanted to buy. Called the dad to ask for advice. Emailed him the posting. He emailed me a better camera. And then he emailed me an even better one, and said it was a gift. I can't believe it. Finally. After nearly 8 months of having no camera, I'm so excited to go explore and play. I have very awesome conceptions of the website I'll make. Time to make a portfolio for myself. Even getting into short clips of time-lapses. This world is too beautiful to stop trying to capture this beauty.

Also, today was great because I finished watching Arrested Development. A few years ago, I wrote off this show, claiming I'd never like it. Even when my best friend adored it, I still scorned it. This is just a great analogy for all the times you say you'll despise something. If you can't surprise yourself, you won't ever surprise anyone else. I really enjoyed the show. It's such a funny show. This is a reminder to myself to always try something new. And if you've tried it before, try it again.

Also, today rocked because for lunch, we had sushi!! It was the first time (outside of the 1400 cafeteria at work) with my coworkers. I love Raku sushi in midtown. This was the first time I had been there, and it blew me away. The red ropes outlining the bar area. The black stone plates with pumice texture. It's not Azuma fresh, but it's close. I had a delicious meal and I could have gone for more of course. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. The colors of the restaurant. The details. The receipt had courier font and everything on it was pertinent. It even included information about Facebook and Twitter. They had the nice dissolving mints that I love. The red chairs were wonderful. I basically loved everything about the restaurant.

I had a wonderful day at work. I was proud that I completed some of my exit surveys, and fully investigated a matter. No corner cutting, and reported out my assessment. It's a feasibility analysis that I would feel proud of if it were passed around the company. I also realized how many people I've networked with while I compiled the list of people to invite to my Going Away Breakfast. In addition to the core 15 people or so, I invited 25 more. This doesn't include the many interns that are gone/leaving or those that aren't located in Houston. I really enjoy every day here. It's a fun time.

I finished a blog that I committed to because of its concept. It was about a boy who dated one woman per day over a long period of time. I wasn't engrossed like... say a Harry Potter novel, but I did read it cover to cover. The ending? It was fiction. I was so surprised. But it did make for an interesting evening curled up in my bed after a long day of work. While my friends went ice-skating in the Galleria, I got some much needed R&R curled up next to Red, my trusted laptop, reading anything from this blog to SharePoint migration tips and the latest and greatest posts from my Facebook friends.

I don't know what everyone is talking about - Being more connected is amazing. My life is perfect. I want the world to utter the same words.

Goodbyes.

Staring at him and laughing at a horribly sarcastic comment he made, and seeing his face open wide with laughter. I'm going to miss that. I'm going to miss the god-awful accurate renditions of me and my comments.

I slept over at Jeff's with Beebs in the bed next to me. When quarter past 7am struck, he opened the door.

He said, I'm leaving, ladies. I was in a sleepy stupor, and it just didn't hit me yet.

Beebs stayed in bed and hugged him. I got out of bed, and hugged him. Squeezed him. And felt like this private moment wasn't so private. I remember his smell. A good cologne'y musk but none too strong. I can still smell it on my shirt.

I watched him close the door behind him. And the subsequent front door a few seconds later. And that was it for now. He was on his way, 12 hours back to Alabama.

I didn't have the capacity to think - to fully comprehend - so I slept for another 3 hours. We both got up, did our morning rituals, had some laughs, and she asked me to call him. I needed this to be a private moment - the call. I said no.

We left to go home, and we talked about popping in a movie later. How is the dynamic going to be after him? I don't know. Of course I'm sad, and the deities above allowed me to embrace the feelings I couldn't yet express by playing, "The Only Exception" by Paramore. A beautiful song.

The night before, at the Flying Saucer he mentioned, I just feel bad for Charlene. She's going to have to experience all of the goodbye's.

I'm a tough girl, who wears a dress shirt and studded belt to sleep, nomadic yet loving, and I know that even if someone is in my life for a moment, if it's a beautiful one, I'll appreciate it for what it is. I know there will be times to come with these wonderful people. October, he mentioned coming to Atlanta for a weekend. That would be amazing.

I won't focus on the aspects of the friendships I made that I could do without. For now, someone that has been on my mind and in front of me more often than my best friends have, is not within my state any longer. I already miss him.

Surreal.

This was the official day where we did everything: we woke up early after staying up late, went to St Arnolds Brewery for a tour, ate at Lankford Grocery, and went to see a Midsummer Night's Dream.

It was surreal. This is the day where I became overwhelmed by the emotion that I hadn't seen how truly beautiful Houston was until that day. Until a group of interns showed me around my own city in their efforts to explore Houston themselves, did I see, what they saw. It is a city worth exploring even after complacency has set in.

I got to support a local brewery. Tried different kinds of microbrews and expanded my palette. Tried a local burger joint that was featured on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. Blew my mind away by the taste and deliciousness of a home cooked burger. Smiled at the delight to pay in cash.

It was sitting outside in Miller Outdoor Theater, after trying to find parking and finding our group through the masses of people and pets, with the breeze through my hair, and the grass texture under me that I felt really happy. These are the irreplacable moments people dream about. I was brought back to my 9th grade A Mid-Summer Night's Dream acting where I fought to understand what was going on. It was nostalgia and newness rolled into one.

As Beebe nursed me her orange juice and a little something extra, I laughed as Jordan did it too. Good times, looking into the night sky, being absolutely care-free. Carefree is where I wanna be.

Consistency.

"CONSISTENCY- Don't focus on making it there, focus on how long you STAY there! Just reaching it isn't enough, stay at the top!!!"

:) Ahem.

Eat, Pray, Love.

I've caught the travel bug again.

Eat, Pray, Love.

That's all you need. This trailer makes me incredibly happy. It sums up the vision I have for my existence.

Serenity.

"Touch is important. I designed a satiny smooth concrete tub for Dex that's really comfortable, like sitting in a spoon. I light a candle and get in with a good book — I've got a little spotlight that hits only the page. I check out. I meditate. I could live in my tub." -Clodagh, designer, on what's important in a bathroom

Rock Solid.

After I left work I headed to Banana Republic and the suits it had to offer were way over my price range. I went to Express with a wish and a prayer, and one of the sales attendants made my day by helping me pick a beautiful suit and blouse. Certainly some of my favorite pieces in my wardrobe now. She made me feel very good and complimented the suit on me, saying it looked very cute. :) She said, I want you to do well, I want you to get the job. I know that you like your friend, but I want you to get it! :D hahaha, it was very funny.

The night before, my good friend Freddy came over to hear my rehearsal of the presentation. I am SO THANKFUL for Freddy. My savior, for always being there for me when I need him.

He told me what I needed to hear, I was giving wayyy too much detail for certain parts. I need to speed it up along. We caught up and I got my sleep that night.

I put it all together, when I went to the IDE to rehearse. Malcolm came and got me and we walked down together. Thankfully I came at the right moment because Jordan just finished presenting before me, and I came in a couple of minutes before that point.

I hooked up the mic to myself, and turned on the charm. It was a great moment in my life to accomplish this, to see Beebe's smiling face in the crowd, to know that JJ was there, along with Evan and Jacob. I later found out that Scott and Charron both heard my speech too. :) I received so many compliments on it and that also made me feel like I did a job well done.

I got through my slides, I believe on time, and at first, I stumbled on my words, but I breathed, and got through it by thinking very positively and just remembering the things I rehearsed.

The Q&A was fascinating and I handled it like a champ and got compliments from JJ and Sheri about it. :D I got questions like, if a division wanted to make a migration to SharePoint what would you recommend? What are the specifics to ensure the Community of Practice will work? How do I get the metrics to be shown in charts and graphs? [Great answer I had with Spotfire, thanks MIKE!] And more. I was on cloud 9 when I sat down.

Of course Beebs did a great job as well. And everyone else. All in all, I did have a wonderful experience with Chevron, and I'd love to come back. This huge obstacle of being ready for a presentation that would say so much about me, makes me very proud.

No Regrets. Just Love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98WtmW-lfeE&ob=av2e

Now every February, you'll be my Valentine.. Valentine...

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

<3 this song, Teenage Dream, by Katy Perry.

It makes me believe in love.

Quality, Not Quantity.

"It doesn’t matter how many shitty relationships you can rack up. A good one is all you need."

It's not about how much attention I can garner. It's not about the first impression he gives me that seems so promising. It's not about how he used to be. It's about right now. It's about what my gut is saying. My instincts speak to me and it's a better receptor than my emotions are.

I need to remember the end game. It's not about getting involved with someone that's good for right now. It's about finding someone that I can see forever with. I feel it's worth holding out for, as much as many external influences would like me to believe that there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a busy body.

All you need is one. Relax.