Focus.

What am I focused on? The most important question in life is: To be or not to be?

I've had a lot of time to think about my focus.

I think there needs to be the big 7. (I started out with 5 and .. it was not enough LOL!)

Family.
Friends.
Cultivating my dreams.
Trying new activities - constantly pushing my comfort zone.
Health.
Academics.
Professional Career - MIS.

UNICEF of course is ALWAYS with me. I will make it work. I figure, I'm ALWAYS propounding the best way to support UNICEF is to make money. I need to evolve. I need to push my growth to the next level.

I understand that for the duration of my academic career, I've always put extracurriculars first. Hell, I appreciate it because I've garnered the internship I had because of what I've done. I need to put me first though.

I've decided. :)

Made My Day.

Someone told me: "One of the things I like most about you is that you've got so much positive energy and are so excited about life. You're just so wonderful."

Oh my lord.

That completely made my day.

Givers Gain!

Team Personality.

If I'm left to function as I am, I am a 'High C'.

This means I'm very conscientious and analytical. I like to think my decisions through before reaching a judgment.

The other 3 major categories are D, I, and S.

A brief description of each:
D - absolute gunslinger. You shoot from the hip. You are a 'leader' in the extreme form of the word, meaning you are very vocal about what you want and you take major risks. There is a lack of planning and implementation however, but you mean well. You take actions now, and explain later!
I - You are a social butterfly and you love to get the party started. You like to make sure everyone has a good time and that everyone knows your name and you know everyone else's name. In a team dynamic, you focus on morale and making everyone feel good.
S - Ah. The S. This is so the old me. The S type loves consistency and really, in a team dynamic, they are focused on steadiness and consistency. They are the followers of the group, and as everyone knows every team needs followers to implement ideas and carry forth the vision! S types are VERY LOYAL but they absolutely despise changes in the plan after they have wrapped their heads around how to achieve an objective.

I am a C. C's are the brains behind the operations and you can't have successful projects unless someone is clearly thinking rationally from a business standpoint, a feasibility standpoint etc. Of course nothing is impossible! But there are so many resources vying for our time and effort, if we commit to certain projects, we must see how it factors into committing to other projects. That's the trade off.

But I've learned to be a D in situations that call for an extreme leader. It calls for someone who's direct and forceful and confident. I am definitely an "I" on a day to day basis and especially at social events. I really feel like I'd be a great host or party planner because of that. :) Lastly, I am an S. I came from an S background, so I know how to play the role, but to be honest, it's my least favorite role because it provides no growth for me. I know how to follow instructions and do things for the good of the team. My word is ALWAYS bond.

I think people should recognize these personalities and see that one is free to move from letter to letter and even a combination of such in a given situation. Oftentimes, I combine my D & C to take action now yet lead people in a sound manner, so we don't have to backpedal and realize the schemes of our planning was shaky.

Think about it. What's your Team Personality?

My Brother's BE Graduation.

I still can not believe what I experienced yesterday.

It was unbelievable.

It felt like I got to re-do my graduation actually. I was so enthusiastic, jumping out of my chair, yelling my heart out, and like my brother, screaming so much and so forcefully, I got into really bad coughing fits. :)

All worth it.

It's the most incredible thing in the world to reach people.

I cried yesterday during graduation when he paid me tribute; apparently my dad cried too; my mom is seriously considering going into the program (she needs to get over so many obstacles - lack of self-confidence included) See! Who they be, is who I became. Up until the Beyond Excellence Program this was how it was. I emulated exactly what my mom was, to an extent. I don't blame her at all, but it helps me understand the amount of growth I've made.

Seriously, seriously, worth every penny.

I MISS MY TEAM 6 BROTHERS and SISTERS IMMENSELY.

Giving It Away.

I got a phone call last night from a good friend of mine. I was out celebrating with my family about my brother's BE graduation so I didn't hear it.

Here's some background: I helped her a while ago with her classes and mentally prepping her to be excited for her life and her academic career.

She called last night to touch base and it was the sweetest voicemail ever. She profusely thanked me for my help with her classes and said it meant a lot.

To me, it's reflexive, and it causes me a slight physical pain to draw attention to it because my biggest congratulations is always how I feel after and seeing the changes happen. I honestly would rather see the change impact someone's life and to see the sustainable shifts happen. That is what brightens my LIFE!

To me, it's not over with her until I know that she anchors the lessons she learned in the form of concrete actions and attitude.

My Commitment.

Here it goes, 7 posts in a row to make up for lost time. They'll be quality don't worry. I'm in the right frame of mind - with this beautiful song on my side. :)

I want to go back to two Sunday's ago. The night at Illusion Lounge.

Life is not meant to be lived on the sidelines. I think this was a prime example of that.

Everyone in the group I went with refused to dance with me, up until the last hour of the night. I'm proud that I got them all to dance though! :D What a great night.

Though alcohol was needed, which I successfully retrieved from someone else, but the main point is, NO ONE NEEDS ALCOHOL to get through things. Liquid courage is a crutch and one needs to see that for what it is. I take it so seriously because a lack of confidence breeds itself into socially acceptable habits like drinking, self-deprecation, and saying things like "I just can't dance."

If everyone in the club was dancing, would I be dancing? The answer is yes. There's just that energy in the room and it's infectious!

What if there's a handful of people around the room but no one dancing? Does my fun remain dependent on others' actions? No. This is a drastic departure of thinking I have. I will still bring the party and get it started regardless of whoever else is with me!

It's always great to have support, but trends start somewhere. The greatest leaders at one point stood alone.

Rosa Parks sat in the seat she wasn't supposed to. She incited change, and despite her humility in saying she just didn't want to get up because she was extrememly tired, she is A LEADER. So many other people are such inspiring leaders for taking a stand, and being different while others didn't say a word.

Change really starts with you and your attitude. <3

Song Love.

One of my favorite things that keeps me happy in this world is the gift of song obsession. What is song obsession?

*It is thinking about a song to the point of all-near consumption. I'd still have to say it's within the bounds of reason though.
*Anytime I am near a car, computer, mp3 player, or any controllable music player -- I MUST put that particular song on or long for it endlessly.
*I PUT IT ON LOOP. Mixing it with other songs makes it a tease. I know I love the song; it's simple, I listen to the song continuously until I tire of it.
*I wanted to listen to the song so bad on my drive home to Spring (only a 30 minute drive) that I took a rewritable CD I had (Sorry Alexisonfire) and rewrote the album with one song. I didn't have the song on my harddrive because I discovered it from Youtube so I found websites that downloaded the video (.flv file). I converted the .flv file to an .mp3 after lucking out on the 2nd software I downloaded that claimed to perform this function. The first software had a trial feature so I only had 2 minutes of the song. :) I persisted, and had the 5 minute song on the CD. I found solutions!!! I was so proud. This is what song love does to you.

It really is comparable to how I feel when I fall head over heels for someone. I'm drawn completely. There's no one else, and nothing tires me about the person. It's not true love of course, so I guess a more fitting term for this scenario is song lust. This is the exciting period where I've gotta have it and if I don't, I can't wait to let my ears hear it.

The beautiful song is by deadmau5 and Kaskade called
I Remember.

I heard it first on a website for a hairstylist that linked a friend that did tattoos. (Confusing I know) The music just fit so well with the ongoing fascination I have with the night cityscape. There are a few moments I have that correspond with the song. Definitely my sense of wonder as my eyes peered over the Tokyo cityscape from Tokyo View and the many views from rooftops or high places. Also, the movie Lost in Translation where Scarlett J. is performing karaoke from a building and you can see her silhouette from the bustling street at 2 in the morning. She's wearing a wig, singing her drunk lungs off, with Bill Murray and complete strangers. I love that. That's the feeling I return to when I listen to the song. I Remember all of these nights and the feeling of letting go. I am also reminded of that really fun night in Washington D.C. at night where a friend and I searched for alcohol and it was an adventure. I think about Downtown Houston at night with a couple of friends and I, going on an exhilarating photoshoot.

Life is so fun. And this song completely reflects that. I continue to listen in wonderment. :)

Nightlife.

Let me bring you into my frame of reference.

From a biological standpoint, when there is less light, your eye receptors pick up on less detail. Thus, picture the day time image of downtown -- the concrete sidewalks are distracted by the marks of graffiti or normal wear and tear, and bits of litter here and there. At night, maybe it's the cool air, showing a more mature side of Houston, but I believe it's really the darkness that lets you see its beauty. As in life, sometimes every detail is too much detail.

The darkness only shows you what's important. The outlines, the broad strokes. Sometimes mother nature gives you no choice for a reason. Imagine that. Before I learned about the biological limitations of our eyes, I thought that the night cityscape was objectively more visually appealing than its daytime counterpart. When I learned it's the limitations our eyes present that create this superior visual, it blew my mind. But instead of thinking that our eyes limit what we see, I re-frame it to say that it shows us exactly what we need to focus on.

I've seen many cities at night. Las Vegas. New York. Houston. Austin. San Francisco. Orlando. Tokyo. Bangkok. Cozumel. Dallas. These images etch in my mind and they give me such inspiration and hope.

For those Houstonites, there's something you must do. Go to the Hilton - Houston (near George R. Brown). Go to the pool deck, and go to the balcony. There's only one pool there, so this shouldn't cause any confusion. It doesn't matter which time you go, but it's preferable to go at night.

One of the most beautiful moments in my life was being on the balcony with one of my best friends, philosophizing about life, at 5 in the morning seeing the dark cityscape of Houston asleep -- and to catch greater and greater detail of the same scenery as Houston awoke. :)

Catch up. Ketchup.

I get back on the wagon, no self-flagellation, but I'm forgiving because I know nothing is achieved otherwise. I'll complete a slew of posts by Monday night to catch up to my daily post commitment.

Speaking of catching up, it certainly sounds like ketchup. Ketchup, which is red, brings me to the topic of my favorite color. My favorite color is red for so many reasons.

I believe Red is the best color that embodies me. It's also an aesthetically pleasing shade! From crimson to a bright fire engine red, it's meant to stand out. That's just only one of the parallels.

Red is unapologetic. If it gets on your clothes, you can't get it out without effort, and the whole world knows it's there. Red has pride and knows it was created to be shown. It was meant to perform and to be seen. Red doesn't speak in a wimpy voice, not does it have a wimpy appearance. Red is decisive and knows what it wants.

Red is passionate. It's the shade that goes with any kind of sale with desire, ecstasy, lust, but I think it's more universal than that. It's the shade that corresponds the feeling of anger, passion, and the deep feeling that utilizes a lot of heart. To me, these are the feelings of being truly human. There's nothing wrong with feeling these. I must say that the way I channel these red feelings is in a very positive passionate (red) way, or a very calm (blue) zen-like peace, love, and understanding.

Red is life. It's the blood in our veins. The pink-red blush that is applied on women's faces to mimic vibrancy, youth, and vigor. It's symbolic to the beauty in the world. It's what I want to stand for. I want my life to be as vibrant as the miracle within me -- all of the systems working in conjunction, my lymphatic, circulatory, nervous, digestive, and more. I never want my life to be stagnant. I want to always grow and work towards my dreams, and in doing so, live my dream. I want to be a life well-lived.

Red is love. My philosophy is predicated on love and this hippy-ish fascination with understanding others. I check myself often to make sure I am not gossiping about others because I realize one comment at the detriment of someone is one comment lost to uplift them. I desire to train myself to attain discipline like a monk. To think above the activities of people and what they do, but to concern myself with ideas. Petty people concern themselves with gossip and people. I want to be someone of ideas and implementation. Someone that looks towards creating a better world.

When I was old enough to think, I believe I realized -- red is me.

I used to be a yellow. Yellow is passive. Yellow says yes to everything. I appreciate yellow's optimism however. :) That, I have kept.

Fueled By Others.

Today is the night before my brother goes to the Beyond Excellence Leadership Program! He has been utterly FREAKING out. I love it. This is exactly the mindset he needs to get the most impactive, sustainable weekend in his life.

I'm just doing a run through of all the walls I hit, all the things I learned that weekend, and all the activities I did. I still pinch myself at moments because that was incredible. Who would've thought that our instructor could push all 26 of us to our limits?

I made his care package and it was a blast. As I wrote down little notes in his encouragement cards, I tried to think what events happened when. I certainly do not remember. I do remember going through the program and thinking of my mom and dad and friends at home, with my mouth open, in disbelief at how different our lives were in that present moment. While I was here, meeting new people and experiencing trust and real team work, I knew my friends were back home doing comfortable things they have always been doing.

I know my brother will be transformed by Sunday. I'm on the other side of the fence, and I feel that I've gotten good at what I've done. I need to step out of my comfort zone once again. Thanks for the refresh bro. See ya on Sunday.

Fun.

Three of my UNICEF'ians and I went to Illusion Lounge in support of UNICEF on Sunday. It was the birthday celebration of a UNICEF volunteer who has captured my heart. She is so amazing and pure. I remember before I renovated myself, I felt passion in her words and I admired her genuine persistence when she called upon me to support her in her endeavors. I am always impressed by those who surpass me in my tenacity and passion.

This brings about a good point: if you are the best in your circle, then find a new one. You are only as stagnant as you choose to be. I have to say that the people I'm currently surrounding myself has definitely been pushing me further than I have ever been. What's been the difficulty is the amount of old bridges I want to mend and squaring my most precious resources with this: my time and energy. I'm trying on different approaches to get the results I want. :) It's a fun challenge! I love the time I have with my friends.

I've learned to work harder than I ever worked before. I've also learned to enjoy my life so much more. Who would've thought? :P Nothing is impossible. The friends that have become my best friends are the ones that know how to navigate both realms the best, because we see eye to eye on our priorities. None of us take it personally if we must propel our work load to make a vision come to fruition. We both know, in due time, we will celebrate like there's no tomorrow.

I don't go without this kind of celebratory fun for long periods of time like I used to. When I can, if time permits, I outlet this in a purely fun way. I of course get my fix with the hilarity that ensues from my day to day, but I have to anchor it all in with BIG fun events every week. :) Karaoke, birthdays, girls night out, etc.

Interconnectedness.

As I write my globalization paper...

I've thought about the concept of interconnectedness. This is where the time and space paradigm erode and the ability for ideas, people, and things to communicate feels a step away.

Now more than ever, I feel like the world is at my fingertips.

I love that feeling. I love not having any barriers in becoming the person I want to be.

Every door is open. If I need to find more information about classes or programs I want to pursue, that professor's door is OPEN. They want to give you more information! If I need people to help, I have to ask the friends I have, and see if they will, or if they can lead me to other people. It surprised me so much this week as I began the experiment of simply ASKING. There's opportunity everywhere if you seek it. For me, there are certainly people I want to meet that I'll have to meet from scratch. Even if I don't know someone, if I have a legitimate reason and I want to badly enough, I can create a relationship. I know I can. I know I will. Interconnectedness is like a cobweb. The people you meet stand at certain regions because of the sphere of influence they affect. These past few weeks, through the participation of many events, I've been making webs from person to person, carrying them with me. Meeting new people is one of my greatest joys.

In this life being earnest, persistent, optimistic, hard-working, humble, and passionate is what's going to get me very far. I have already stepped up to the plate and shouted: I will do great things!

Why hasn't the whole word shouted this in unison? Doesn't our mere existence, and the miracle of it mean that we are destined for greatness?

Lady Gaga.

This remix of Poker Face is amazing. Click here!

Lady Gaga is an inspiration to me.

She's strong. She loves strong people that don't question or judge others. She's open minded to the human condition. As I am.

When I listen to this song, I get a resurgence of confidence and strength. This is in regards to the areas I need strength. My fitness goals. My extreme kickboxing class I take has remixes of all the top 40 songs. Lady Gaga's Paparazzi, Poker Face, Bad Romance, are definitely on that list. It makes the class so fun.

I LOVE this song.

It makes me want to dance. It makes me want to perform. It makes me want the limelight. It makes me want people to see me for me. It makes me want to shout. It makes me want to roll up my sleeves. It makes me want to live in the moment.

You're amazing Gaga.

4.0

I know I have this.

This semester, all A's. ALL A's.

Focus. I want more than a degree. I want to be educated. I want to learn. I want to be dutiful and responsible. I want to make myself proud. I want to create an environment where I'm destined to win, and not to lose.

I really feel like my professors are on the sidelines, and they're cheering me on (not the most attractive cheerleaders... haha!) and it'd be foolish to throw away the game or pretend the game doesn't matter.

Play full out. 100%. I've got this, I've got this, I've got this.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

My Valentine.

So I had a Valentine this year. My first - I'll be honest!

Big smile. :)

We both believe that Valentine's Day should not be confined to just February 14th of each glorious year. The concept of showing your love, not just in a romantic way, but to your friends, family, dog -- EVERYONE. Our brothers and sisters in Haiti. We are linked by the blood that runs within us.

As I read our texts over and over, I can't help but smile. I feel like such a girl when I do that, but I don't mind. It's a great feeling. I do whatever makes me feel like me, and this is one of those things.

Happy Valentine's Day and Chuc Mung Nam Moi (Happy Lunar New Year)!

I love you all.

The Student Becomes the Teacher.

This will be a conceptual, perhaps nebulous post. Like I learned in my leadership program, I won't be able to state all the details of what happened, but I'll be able to say what I've learned, which is the most important. I can't control the events that occur, only my attitude and reactions. Too often, we spend too much time trying to control the things we cannot. I know this very well.

Everyone has a personal map of everything they have experienced. In the context of that, there are certain words that automatically trigger experiences to a reader or listener which aren't necessarily true to my story. Of course I could take time to offer my personal map to enable understanding for my reader. I believe that would take away from my message, so on to my process instead. :)

It really was a process, and I'm so proud that I have such a sound, stable mind. This was something that was an effort to acquire. I have a newfound respect for monks that spend years meditating, honing in on certain values endlessly, and deleting unnecessary details of life that take away from the profundity of their beliefs. I aspire to have that zen. For now, I'm miles away from where I stood. I know I will get there, and every challenge like the one I faced Sunday night will get me there.

I have learned that everyone is human. Let me repeat this: everyone wants to be loved; everyone wants to be seen for who they are; everyone wants to be understood and respected; everyone has needs and urges; everyone is at a different place in their life and their personal map has a topography that you simply do not know unless they sit down and go through all of their experiences and thought process -- while being completely honest. The concept of this fundamental humanity that runs within all of us has been the hardest idea to wrap my head around. I have created idols in my head. My father. Certain musicians. Such well-accomplished individuals that have hand-crafted an image that I admired.

Up until now, these idols were inspiring to the point of infallibility. They could do no wrong. When these idols fell, it broke my world. It was such a wrong way to look at the world. I allowed these people to be gods which either validated or invalidated my faith. What faith? Ultimately, it affected the faith in myself and my self-confidence. The question I asked was, "If these people I deemed as infallible can't manage to practice their truth, how on earth will I manage?"

Part of this sentiment was the belief that I wasn't in the stars where these idols resided. I placed myself on Earth, putting myself on the sacrificial altar as if I were to place my bets on who would falter first. I bet against myself. Not anymore. I know my worth, I know my strength, I know that my limits are only a battle between myself, not versus the world. I am independent from everyone's judgments and history.

I now understand that the lessons people impart on you still hold true no matter what they do. That is because there is a difference between knowing and applying what you know OR knowing and consciously failing to adhere to your values. People stumble. People fall. I believe completely that people are redeemers. They can always fall, but I have expectancy that they may one day change for the better. It may make someone a hypocrite for not practicing what they preach, but if their words have shaped you to be a better person, then the impact is good. That's what one needs to focus on. It's not a matter of their actions affecting and reframing every conversation that was once had. That's self-defeating and painful. What happened happened and for me, it fuels me to become the individual that practices what I preach, apart from those who haven't.

I can set the precedent.

Gives Me Hope!

My parents bought a two year membership for UNICEF last night.

It's so cute, I can hardly stand it.

"So it's $10 a semester? So it'll be $80 for me and mom?"
"Actually, I'm not trying to cheat you -- it's $15 a year because it's a better deal if you buy in advance. So it'd be $60 for both."
"That's all???"

LOL.

Yes. Dad. That is all.

Strength.

Strength is emotion.

Strength is hitting a wall, having the courage to recognize the difficulty, and getting past it.

You aren't born with it. The way you get strength, the kind you can't see, is through challenges. Everything that you don't like, everything that grates at you, everything that makes you cry, makes you angry, makes the negative emotions flood from your soul, is a challenge.

An 8 page paper. A 20 minute presentation on a new technology. Rejection from your dream company. Getting into a car accident. Death in the family. Being late for lunch with a friend. Disagreeing with someone else's choices. A break up. Operating on 6 hours of sleep for the week because of exams. You name it.

You have to exercise your mind. Will you let the situation crumple your energy and soul like paper mache? If someone or a situation can affect your sense of self with a single comment or defeat -- then you haven't built the strength to get you through. It's an eye-opening litmus test. Life is not a dress rehearsal. You've got one life. Live it right.

Ask yourself, how would life be if you weren't a victim of circumstance?
How would life be if you could control your attitude and outlook on life?
What if you could truly say and believe 100% that if life gave you lemons, you would smile and make lemonade?
What if you could reframe every situation - in a way that would allow you to live freely. To focus on what's right with the world. That in this life, things may go wrong, but there is a natural order. To understand that there is more love in the world than hate. That everyone is at a different balance right now. Some are very negative and cynical and pessimistic. That's fine. But we know it's cyclical. They will reach a point where they are positive again. Who knows for how long?

The way I live is to embrace the opposite. What if you could break the cycle? What if you could live every day on purpose and live positively? What I'm asking for is something that will undoubtedly change your life in a way that will fulfill your greatest dreams and goals. Even if you don't end up getting exactly what you want, this state of mind will achieve more than you ever have because you stop focusing energies on what you can't achieve, and all of your energies on the expectation that you WILL. It's much easier and simpler when you live on these extremities.

Live life on the edge. I've learned to be strong. So can you.

I Feel Adult.

I feel like I have left my childhood. I am in adulthood. Not in the sense that I'm fully independent (whether it be financially, etc) but in my state of mind. It's the prospect of anything -- any fiscal, emotional, physical responsibility does not daunt me. You must wrap your head around the situation at hand, and persevere. Choose to be tough. Not to suffer. I don't have to ever be nostalgic for anything in the past because I will always love the present tense. I know that what happened in the past was great (!!!), but where I am NOW is my focus. Why would my mind be fixed anywhere else? It's simply not... relevant. I know that I will stay here, and I need to make it 100% the best it can be.

I got some potentially harrowing news from my brother about my dad. I must clarify, it isn't bad news. Remember, I philosophically believe there is NEVER bad news. There are only challenges that present itself. Opportunities to learn and grow. I wasn't affected, even for a moment. I looked at my dad the same. The man who loves me and raised me up unconditionally. He is fully human and I fully believe in the capacity for anyone to redeem themselves, to brush themselves off and say, I recognize my mistakes. I will change my approach, because when I change my approach - the results change, and so does my world. Even if the imperfections do exist, it doesn't change the facts. The imprints my dad has made on my life are innumerable, and that's exactly the focus. He has helped shape me to be the strong individual that I am. My brother and I will get through this.

Valentine's Day.

I'm just thinking back over the 20 years I've been alive.

I never really cared for Valentine's Day, especially in middle school or high school. There was a ritual where you could pre-order flowers and it would be delivered during 2nd period. My girl friends would buy each other flowers so that everyone would be LOVED. The school even gave a flower to everyone. That was lovely.

I don't think I ever had the quintessential Valentine, and before, this mattered to me, but now, it really doesn't. :) I am so strong-minded that nothing can bring me down, especially a day of the year, dedicated to love. I think SO differently about Valentine's Day.

Being single is a wonderful thing, as is being a relationship. You should celebrate your situation no matter what it is. Love it for what it is because it is YOUR situation. Love your face, love your self, and everything you are because you own it. No one wears it better than you and once you begin to understand that -- love just begins to swarm around you. Everything takes care of itself. Love yourself so everyone else may.

Today, a friend of mine was sick and couldn't meet with me. He said he'd make it up to me with a little Valentine's present.

My heart melted. :D Such a sweet sentiment. Hate Hallmark all you want, but I believe that if it has forced millions to admit their feelings for someone else or to cause others to give (whether it be chocolates, hugs, or a simple greeting that uplifts someone) then it is all worth it. Valentine's Day is another day to LOVE. We need more days allocated for love. There can never be enough!

I can't wait til Friday!

I Believed, and I Achieved.

I woke up.

9:52AM.

Class starts at 10AM.

This is a class that DOES NOT allow absences or tardiness.

I go through my options. Miss class and send an email to signify some sort of unavoidable issue. I would miss all we learned and important information about the Case Report due on Wednesday. Or I could show up late and be reprimanded severely.

I hedge my bets, move forward, and decide that I cannot simply WALK to school. Being 5 minutes late is one thing, but being 25 is another.

I decide to throw on some clothes like a demon, and I'm out of the door. I get in my car, speed off like a madman, however, proceeding with caution. I realize now is not the time to hit a pedestrian to make it to a supply chain class on time.

I believe with all my might that I will find a space in the metered parking right by Bauer.

I DO.

I park. I get out and I put as many coins in as I have. I have about 30 minutes of metered time. It's not enough, but I just have to believe that I won't get a ticket and move on.

I run to class. I walk in, and nothing is going on.

I sit in my seat.

My seat neighbor asks if I ran to school? I, out of breath, not wanting to explain the hardships, simply nod yes.

Class commences. I am happy to be here. Albeit I was 2 minutes late; I did not get reprimanded!

Class finishes. I walk outside. My car is there.

NO TICKET! :D

I believe, and I see.

So College.

So in Austin, of course I had a blast! I focused on the outcome even before arriving and made sure, I would have a good time with my best friends.

It's all about doing things, not because society ordains that 'x, y, and z' equal FUN but rather, the company you're with and the energy and attitude you have.

I think it was a very quintessential college weekend in that sense. :) One of the key phrases uttered this weekend was, "This is so college!" because for the most part, all 3 of us have had very non-traditional college experiences. We have common threads, such as the need to prioritize our time for our studies and work and organizations.

We all set aside time for each other and cleared our agendas. We already know that we have things going on the side, but in order to live presently, we (hopefully) budgeted our time wisely by doing some of our assignments before the weekend OR will plan all-nighters accordingly. :D

We spent a lot of time in the car, listening to the radio, telling stories, watching movies, LAUGHING, and just relaxing. I felt safe with them. Like I had no where else to be, no where else to go, and no where else I'd rather be.

There was a rhythm the whole weekend and I believe ours were in sync.

Now that I'm in Houston, I don't feel torn apart. They are a part of my life as is school, UNICEF, and my family.

I actually missed Houston and the city scape. Most of my priorities lie here in Houston. I am home. But it certainly was So College to take a short trip away from home to visit some people I love.

Lovely Bones.

This was a fantastic movie, and there were just so many beautiful moments in it.

One of these beautiful moments caused me to have an appreciation of the relationships I've had.

The protagonist, Suzy, died when she was 14. Never been kissed, just beginning to learn how to react to a crush, and discovering what it means to have a hobby like photography.

She was a pure, innocent character. I loved her character. She was able to grow and develop even after life, as we got to see her journey to heaven. I did not hate the antagonist for killing her, as one would normally feel. I actually didn't think it was fair to omit his side of the story. The side that would make me understand him as a fluid human being.

Back to my point, she died before she could develop and articulate her feelings for a boy that had feelings for her. What if I never had those experiences? What if my life ended at 14? These thoughts were unfathomable to me prior to viewing my life through her reality.

I don't know if I could wrap my head around the phrase 'carpe diem' at such a young age without a startling impetus like a near death experience. I'm glad the maturity I've acquired doesn't need me to have one of those presently in order to work harder, play harder, love harder, and to just enjoy MORE while I'm here.

But in terms of romance, I will keep the moments in the movie in my mind. I will trust my heart.

And now, I wait for Tuesday to hear what it says.

Fink.

The drive back home to Houston was very therapeutic for me. 2 and a half hours of the open road. I will pencil in a road trip in the near future. Perhaps Spring Break if nothing like a Cruise pans out. :)

I discovered an album I hadn't listened to, in my car. The album featured acoustic music with poignant lyrics.

At the time when I received it, I was in a trance/house/techno phase so when my ex made this acoustic CD for me, I put it on rotation and became listless at the pace of it. I wanted something fast. I wanted something to dance to. Acoustic guitar and soothing vocals didn't do it for me at the time. I can't believe I was so blind. Or deaf rather... :)

The album IS BRILLIANT. The beauty of it is, it was always there. I love rediscovering things that are already in my life. Whether it's an old friend, books you've acquired but haven't gotten around to reading, or in my case, an album.

I love the endlessness of an open road. Your mind goes into a reverie while driving. The roads that bridge major cities are straight and calm and the traffic is tame. There are no entrance ramps, exits, the distraction of commercial establishments flanking the highways, or the usual rush that exists on the interstates and freeways. The amount of numerous distractions filters down to a few. It is just your mind and the road in front of you. Occasionally you are confronted by a Speed Limit sign where you must consciously change your speed or a slow driver that puts your awareness on decelerating or changing lanes, but that is about it. For the multi-tasking super humans we are, the sound of your mental stream of consciousness can be an alarming change of pace.

But I'm used to it. I embrace every past moment, present moment, and future dreams with an appreciation. I love the sound of my soul. Life is great, and everyone should have ownership to every minute they have alive. :)

Star Trek.

It is a fantastic movie that I just finished watching.

The line that captivated me the most was along the lines of, "You have to sometimes suspend logic, and go with what you feel."

I identify most with Spock because of his analytical nature. Like him, I've learned to use my emotions in conjunction with logic. My heart does have a place at the table.

If you took away the sci-fi scenario and the explosions, Spock's journey felt akin to mine.

Zachary Quinto did a fantastic job portraying such duality: someone one dimensional as well as someone who morphed into such depth.

The scene where Kirk pushes his buttons (masterfully I might add), causing him to nearly asphyxiate him and thus, resign as captain for having an emotionally compromising position, I felt was the moment he began to live. The moment that seemed to be his greatest downfall, when he relinquished his title, showing his emotion, could be cast as embarrassing and weak, but is actually his defining moment.

It is then that he begins to blossom -- learning to channel all of his pent-up emotion and anger into a positive, productive outcome. He learns the important lesson of co-existing with all of himself. This includes his very human side of emotions.

Your destiny is being constantly rewritten. Every day you learn something, you can rewrite your fate in the favor of your dreams or against them. Tomorrow is a new day, let it be a day of rewriting. My past doesn't determine my fate.

Compliment.

Something just completely made my day (besides tasting the delectable taste of salmon on a small bed of rice dipped in soy sauce with tinges of spicy wasabi, MMM, that was really GOOD).

I had a really great UNICEF meeting today! But the capstone was receiving a compliment from one of my members who has been with us for about a year now. He complimented my enthusiasm and energy and said he really liked it.

:)

This is coming from someone that always has criticism for me! I must note, in and of itself, criticism is not bad! If it is honest and it's not meant to malign but to improve, then it's welcome. I will always listen. In the past, it was not always that way. It was something I ignored, to be honest. The way I handled it was not, or by buying the notions society sold me: judging myself by my yesterdays. Well I am here to shout that I am not the sum of my past. I grow each and every day, and when I don't like the outcome, I change my approach. It's NEVER over. Each situation that presents itself as a challenge is an opportunity to show your grit. That's what the great admissions essays are made of, for good reason. It's sincerely hard to fake this stuff.

But back to my previous point, my friend voluntarily noted that sentiment to me. No other qualifiers. No clauses trying to critique me. He just praised me, simply. I am thankful for his words. It means that he sees a big difference, and he likes it. Some others say I'm on crack. I take it as a complete compliment. :) Another said PCP. :) Another compliment. HAHA! My average, is their extreme. It's all about your reference point, and if you had been through what I have been through, you will know what I'm talking about.

I feel like comments such as those are the moments where I measure my success. Making it on the Daily Cougar and UH El Gato is amazing too! But the personal comments that I get about my delivery, or how they remember the things I said -- to me that's the most powerful thing in the world.

There was another thing that happened earlier that made me very happy. One of my friends, who is very similar to the person I just mentioned, gave me a form in class. It was a UNICEF membership form! I remember encouraging her and she mentioned she would probably join BAP or BA again. I persisted, but relented, knowing that it has to take something from inside to take the step to help others, to help children.

I'm so pleased.

Drunk on Life.

I just spent some time with my Discover Leadership pals, and it feels good to relive some of the great moments I've had recently.

It was one of my gals' birthdays. The big 22. I'm so glad that we got to reconnect.

I had such an amazing time, bringing my own energy to the table.

Now I'm listening to Radiohead's Reckoner and I'm in heaven. Life literally could not be any better. I can smell my favorite perfume as my hands dart across the keyboard to type this. I'm in my comfortable bed. I don't mind that I have class at 10AM and I haven't done my homework yet. I will make time for play as well as getting to my education. I want to have the best of all the worlds I'm involved in. I'm committed to being a great friend to others, a great daughter, great sister, a great student, and a great UNICEF President. I wear all of these hats by CHOICE, not by drudgery. I have the biggest smile also because we had champagne earlier and it was a fantastic buzz. OH champagne is so tasty. Not only that, but because I was just acting like myself. I said what I felt, and I've gotten to learn that whatever I have to say, as long as I say it with the conviction and heart I have will be well-received as long as I believe it.

Is it so crazy to believe that you create your destiny? You create the reality you live in? That you were meant to be happy? That if you are inundated with problems, you are also equipped to create solutions?

My friend and I had a long chat in the car. We are just so focused on having the time of our lives, being successful, being open-minded, and documenting our growth.

Life is just too short to live any other way. I stand by that! So tomorrow, I am excited for my UNICEF meeting. It's going to be great. I've been waiting all year for Girls' Education month!!!

The title of my post derived from the fact that when I hugged the birthday girl, I noted the soft silkiness of her skin. I remarked, "oh my gosh, Marina, your skin is so silky. Everyone, you should check it out!"

Everyone remarked, "Someone is drunk from champagne." :P

I replied, "I am ONLY drunk on life!"

To which they said, "Hear hear!" :)

Vignette.

It was 9:48 this morning. I was making the shortest and fastest strides I could, with my shoes untied. A hard feat to do. It was bitter cold with a slight wind too. Rain was dripping down from above and I just told myself, these are the circumstances, I must make it to school on time at 10!

I walk past a red car, and I hear the doors unlock. It takes a huge amount of faith for me to do that if I'm walking towards my car and some stranger I don't even know is right nearby.

I think nothing of it.

20 seconds later, I hear the hum of a car engine creeping behind me. I barely notice it because I'm focused on the outcome. There is no cold. No wind. No rain. No discomfort with my shoes. No numbness in my fingers. No panic. There's just one step at a time and the vision in my head of making that corner turn into the EMBA classroom.

A man lowers his window and holds out an umbrella, and asks, "Do you need this?"

I gasp out of surprise. I'm humbled. I stop, and I take it. I say, 'thank you, thank you, thank you so much.'

He drives off. What a kind person. It's a beautiful day. (I made it to class on time.)