"It's not in the cards tonight. Or ever." is what I thought to myself last night.
At Calhoun Lofts my friends and I were writing our papers and I was studying for finance. One of my friends encouraged me to go on Facebook chat. To preface this, I never do. Not for any particular reason, but when I think about it, it seems like a commitment to stay and have meaningful conversation. Just last night alone there were 82 of my friends online and within my reach. That sheer number was a bit overwhelming because with my close friends, I want to continue our strong communication. With friends that I'm not as close to, I want to get up to speed. With acquaintances, I want to get to know them better and just talk about life -- there's a reason why they are my facebook friend. It wasn't a willy nilly decision. If I had an infinite amount of time I would like to get to know everyone a bit better.
I think chatting is a great way to stay connected when life just gets so busy. I don't recommend it be the catch-all by any means, but it's a nice boost when life needs that jolt. You know what I mean. It's the energizing fuel that in-person hang outs, parties, lunches, and dinners provide but are difficult to maintain when your commitments are plenty.
I talked with so many people I wouldn't ordinarily talk to and it just really made me happy. When I do chat, I get into state. That's why if I'm chatting online and I have a friend next to me or on the phone, I am rendered useless. I get so consumed with the conversation going on the screen or on the phone, that my reaction time significantly slows and I absolutely realize it.
To the first line of this post. On this chat medium, my ex came out to say hello. It got around to old news, and the fact that remnants of feelings remain on his behalf. He responded in a way that would guilt me, when I told him to move on (yet again). On a side note, talk about persistence! Back to my point, it felt like two worlds were occurring simultaneously, and he was attempting to persuade me to be immersed in his world, to be invested, to feel what he felt, to change my mind, and to take him seriously. Well, it's too bad I intend to live my life with happiness and a given set of attitudes. :) In my life I had just finished my paper, was studying on track with my finance exam, had the prospect of a mini-party that night, and was in the company of my great friends. Guilt was the last thing that would have been on my mind. :) I hope he realizes I'm happy. And the fact is: I intend to be, indefinitely.