Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Tough or Suffering?

It was the moment. She was actively pursuing someone else. I couldn't believe it. She even said, hands off, he's mine. I smiled so big, that was the best thing she could have said. Could it be? She and the apple of my eye viewed each other as platonic friends the whole time?

Like clockwork, I got a call from him. He said he was in the back by the street with the boys. I hugged them all hello. I had stars in my eyes. He complimented my boots. We talked about things. The topic of what I was doing tomorrow came up. We made plans. The feel-good emotions were running high. I was so happy to be there.

The turtle races were over. He kept glancing over at my friend. He made his way over. I heard some of the commentary of the boys with me. It was all I needed to hear. Even with her interest in another guy, he chased her. Right in front of me. I sat down and just chatted with my other guy friends but I was visibly shaken.

I couldn't believe the reality I was facing. I laughed, smiled, had a good time, but my mind was thinking in two spheres. Almost like a split-screen in real time. He came back to join us about 30 minutes later, an eternity. We chatted for a few minutes, and almost like a light switch, he announced he was ready to go.

That was it.

I was done being tossed around like a rag doll. I know my emotional highs were guiding me, but these emotional lows were kicking me in the most brutal of places. I had to walk away from him. This Thursday would be the last day I would be treated like this, by myself.

So I choose to be tough. I know I'm in a critical phase, but there's no looking back.

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