Sometimes the toughest criticism comes from... lo and behold, your parents.
It's tough to hear. These are the people that will be there for me, through everything, and they gave me the precious gift of LIFE. I love them, they love me, and sometimes that passion and emotion gets twisted, and it comes out in words like, "never again" or "I'm done with you."
In the past, there's been hurtful things thrown around, but I thought... my maturity, especially the growth I've achieved in the past year, made me exempt from these comments. Forever.
I'm very surprised I ended up keeping my cool in a heated exchange I had with my father. It stemmed from the apartment discussion, and it brought in themes like family, money, dreams, and the right way to live.
I have learned that what someone will say, versus what they will do can manifest itself as two completely different things. Looking back on the relationship with my dad, and how I've wanted to be this past year, and open up, and share my thoughts, and thought processes and adhere closely to what I believe, it's become a ripe breeding ground for dissension. Listening has stopped.
The approach has to change, that's what I know for sure. In situations like this, where a tradeoff needs to happen, it doesn't feel 100% right in my heart. But I know that I need to make big girl decisions.
Part of growing older is learning to trust yourself. I never thought trusting myself would pit me against my family. Hopefully, I'm praying, that time will do its magic and cause my parents to tone it down and allow me to come into my own, make my own financial decisions, and make my own choices about the course of my life - in peace. I hope in a few months, I'll have their support. In the meantime, I can only trust the hours of deliberation and the words my heart is saying, and go with it.
There will be a lot of unknowns, but it'll be a positive step towards independence. Let's let the year 2011 be the year of growing independence in many ways.