It was great to go home. I was a bit apprehensive at first. But I just thought about the humanity in my parents. It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay. But it's not okay to never confront them, and move forward.
My brother asked if I had a gameplan. I said, yes and no. I have a general idea of where I'm headed. I'm apologetic of course, for allowing the specificity of the situation to cloud how I feel overall about my mom. I love my mom to death. I just forgot how to understand and interpret her actions. I forgot that she one of her biggest feelings of accomplishment and contentment is to provide for us. To provide food and to do laundry for me. I remember now.
When I got home, things were tense at first. But it felt normal all at once.
I didn't get time to touch base, but I think we had time to spend time near one another at dinner.
I took photographs for the family all night, and took my mom out to take photos of her in the front yard. And seeing her behind the lens, made me realize how beautiful my mom was. When I was forced to find that angle and to frame her beauty, I found that it was easy.
My mom's food and her actions glowed that night.
I felt remorseful of course.
I had a great time just hanging out with my cousins and relatives. Met and talked to new ones galore, and ate my heart out. I enjoyed a beer, being of age, and just enjoyed the sights. The men playing cards at the end of the table, gambling. The women gabbing away. The children video recording one another and running around the house, laughing. It was incredible. I stayed the entire night. It was great not to have to be in a rush to leave. I went back to my parents house, picked up some food, and then went home to get back to studying.
Everyone yearns for reconciliation. And although it's not 100% with my parents yet, it's on its way there.