Saturday, November 27, 2010

Speaking from the Heart.

Every once in a while, I like to take a pulse of how I'm doing - myself.

No prodding, pushing, or edging up against by inquisitive relatives or friends, but I want to be able to hear the quiet, so quiet that I can only hear my heartbeat, and then really feel how I'm doing.

Life is good. There is some tension though, but I'm very happy and grateful for how things are going.

I've been seeing a lot of my friends and getting back in touch with them; my parents have healed over the last skirmish, but have also found a new topic that they are upset with me about; I haven't been active in campus life at all, but what I hear on all accounts have been glowing reviews of UNICEF really taking the baton and sprinting to new places; I've been able to forage into my artistic sides: dance, fashion, and photography - I love this ability to just.. discover my artistic VOICE.

The tension. These are the obstacles I face.

I hold myself to a HIGH standard, I really do. When I don't reschedule a commitment, or when I forget to run an errand, I beat myself over it and lose a lot of steam. My ideal doesn't match with my self-image and it hurts sometimes. Moving forward, I will work on picking myself up, brushing myself off, and not judging myself on these mishaps. I will also not book myself to the brim, and leave some breathing room for me to organically fill my day.

My parents and I have not yet a dynamic in which we can fully appreciate one another's company and this does distress me at times. I think informing them of the major choices, and not engaging my parents in my decisions is a good idea. My parents can't help but be vested in my life, and I think letting them into my thought-process and my rationale, is just an overall unwise idea to letting them get close to me. I need to make my decisions, consult them when it matters, and grow up.

I want to make more friends than ever, but at the same time, I want to have the infrastructure to really become friends with them. I want to reconnect with the ones I've been meaning to, and the ones that I have said I would hang out with. I will make it a priority to do 4 out of the box things per month. This could be pursuing a business opportunity, touching base with someone I haven't in a while, or networking with someone that's a degree of separation away. This way, I can have some room to be proactive about the opportunities that come my way.

Alright, self-reflecting almost over - I think all in all, I'm complete the way I am. I love myself. I am strong, I am powerful, and I am a leader.

I'm coming to find that the principles I've learned.. in having everything you want in the world, taking action now, and focusing on the outcome are the foundation to living the good life. It takes a great attitude to overcome things, but also there's much credit to the ability to keep moving forward. To grab things that make you grateful and to ride off the energy of those that support you, and to keep moving.

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