SYTYCD.

February 2011 - I finished 7 glorious seasons of SYTYCD. I've met so many dancers and have felt like I've grown with them. I started out, and Nick Lazzarinni was 20 years old, and I've watched over 7 years of growth.

I feel left with a strange feeling, like I've completed something immense by just chipping away at it. I have this huge respect and appreciation for dance now, and it's fully attributed to SYTYCD. I know what a developpe is, and what lines are. I have been exposed to the many styles of ballroom and latin dancing like samba, quickstep, cha cha, argentine tango, and the paso doble.

I feel like I had a journey with some amazing dancers like Nick Lazzarinni, Melody Lacayanga, Benji Schwimmer, Travis Wall, Heidi, Allison, Donyelle, Neil Haskell, Danny, Sabra, Lacey, Twitch, Katee, Josh, Jeanine, Jakob, Russell, Mollee, Billy Bell, Alex Wong, Lauren Froderman, Jose, Kathryn, Legacy, Pasha, Kent, Ade, Nathan, and Robert. There's no way I can possibly pick a favorite. They are all so beautiful in their own ways and I am grateful that I could watch them at my own pace and appreciation.

I miss it and I can't wait this summer so I can fall in love with SYTYCD all over again.

I remember watching SYTYCD in my living room upstairs and being so enthralled by these beautiful dancers. I love watching the audition episodes the most. That's where you meet such a wide variety of dancers and fall in love with some of them for the first time. <3

Boys.

This is a tribute to all of the men in the world, and the role of a man. I won't try to one up the male condition by trying to compare what a woman must go through. Ahem. Like cramps. And pregnancy. And numerous double standards.

The ball could go back and forth over the net, but the fact is we need to stop this battle of the sexes. Wouldn't life be sweeter if we didn't question our co-existence? We're all human, and we're all children of the earth. Let all of us be.

I feel for every boy that's been told to stop crying, and to be a man. As a girl, I've been allowed to cry my heart out whenever I please. And it's a pleasure to be able to express my emotion in such a way, and not ever feel invalidated.

I feel for every boy who is taught that certain pastimes make you a man. Baseball. Football. Never allowed to think that ballroom dancing could be cool.

I feel for every boy who is taught to live without emotion and to equate the human touch with human weakness.

I love the soft smooth muscle that comprises your heart, just like mine. And even though your weight, strength, and build can differentiate us, you shouldn't allow it to.

Happy!

The song 'Only Girl (In The World)' by Rihanna is so amazing and special to me right now.

Today was incredible and will keep getting better as I go out to eat with my family to celebrate me getting a job. Holla!

I started off the day with someone complimenting my writing. :) That's the second time this week, and it really really makes my day when someone says something like, "I feel like I was there".

I talked to my former colleague at Chevron and drove over there and got to be in my old work building for a little bit, reminiscing. We walked over to Benihana and had lunch in the bar area. We had sushi, and I interviewed him for my management paper. It was a really fun time. He mentioned we should grab drinks and do karaoke some time, I agree, I think that'll be really fun. It was neat to hear someone else's perspective on topics like conflict management, motivation, handling stress, etc.

I got back to school and realized I locked myself out of the house. After nearly 20 minutes, and contemplating... I decide to smile. And make the best of it and go to the library, use the internet (which I'm grateful to have access to) and use my friend Catherine's intelligence, to use gmail text message and the memorized cell phone number of my brother to get in touch with him to pick me up after work. Problem solved.

I was so proud I solved that problem. I felt so smart. :D

My brother picked me up and we went out to eat at Arco's seafood. I wore my little black dress and my Gaga necklace. :) I love it. I had such a great time with my family and ate a lot of food.

My aunt made me such a beautiful cake. :) I'm so happy to be loved by so many people. I'm blessed.

Apparat - Arcadia.

What a beautiful BEAUTIFUL song.

I could dance to this ALL day long.

I imagine running in a field of never ending wild flowers where there's nature whispering serenely all around me.

I imagine it raining, and there being a beautiful kiss.

I imagine closing my eyes, and being in a moment where I wish it could last for ever.

This is what this song means to me.

SONG LOVE. I hope I never stop loving this song. It's one of those songs you could hear on repeat for hours, driving in your car in the rain, while it's a warm yet breezy day outside.

It could be a song when you, content with a family, remember and reminisce your days as a single woman in college, wondering about the future.

The song is about taking risks and basking in the blissful euphoria when you get exactly what you want.

Me vs Myself.

When I read this blog, I come here to visit the MOST beautiful me I know. The one that's uplifting, positive, and shining like the star I was born as. I am righteous, strong, powerful, confident, and I am working through my battles like it's on to the next one.

I learn from my mistakes, but I focus on the OUTCOME I want in that present moment, not on the things that have held me back.

Because of this, I have not shed light on the other Charlene. The one that has let others down on commitments. The one that has been guilty. The one that has let impulsiveness tear down long-term goals. It's another person altogether that I live with, but life has become a battle to not try to delete her entirely, but to UNDERSTAND her and thus be able to help her ... and have her eventually cross over to the complete person I envision.

The hardest battle is this. And this blog helps me remember that the brilliant person I am can't be overshadowed, and there will be at least 365 reasons why.

The Demerits of Social Networking.

I'm a strong advocate for social networking in keeping connected with people that I otherwise would have completely lost touch with.

But this piece I read, I'll quote because I think more and more, and I think it is very easy to cut off emotional ties with the world when there are only micro-interactions with the world. It's not a substitute.

"Unplug to stop the insanity.

Seek face-to-face interaction.

Be a participant rather than a winner.

Risk rejection.

Smile at a stranger.

Invite people over.

Give more, get less.

Make something real happen."

College Experiences.

I set out to do a favor for a researcher on campus. I had planned to do this for about two weeks now. The mission is incredible. Essentially, the researcher has noticed there is a scarcity of information on the Asian American college experience, while there seems to be a lot of interest in how Hispanics and African Americans fare. This inequality has made her seek out the college experience from Asian Americans, and when I heard of this opportunity to just pour my heart out and write about what I've been through in these past 4 years, I jumped. I knew I could be really passionate about what I've learned and my self-reflection.

It was Sunday night, or early Monday morning, and I knew I had to make the long drive back to my life in Houston that afternoon to make it to class on time at 4. So it was about 4am, and we had just finished watching nearly 3 hours of 'Equals 3', a YouTuber that made videos reviewing other popular viral videos. We laughed so much and I asked to hi-jack the computer so I could write my piece.

I was extremely exhausted, but I sat in the red metal folding chair, slouched over, writing on a netbook to get it done, 3 hours later, until it was done. I hardly changed positions because ... inspiration struck. The words flowed from my mind onto the screen.

I was sore. But the words just came to me. As I recounted certain encounters, I realized just how much I have been through, even though there were certain instances that I forgot to mention, that certainly were important.

I didn't edit the piece at all. No spell check. No grammar checks. No re-reading to add sentences where transitions were choppy. I copied the word document and sent it, verbatim, and then went to sleep promptly at 7am.

I woke up at around 12:30, from a call from Kyle, and then woke up. I left Sally's around 1:30 and got to campus right when TP2 started. It was an epic journey, that only happened because I focused on the outcome. I wanted an incident free trip, and I wanted to make it to class on time.

I got an email that evening from the researcher that said my input was amazing and that it was one of the few candid and honest accounts she had received thus far.

I knew I wanted to do my piece justice, and I think I did. I felt really cathartic after this weekend, but that really was an emotional process for me. This vulnerability has been a good wake up call.

It was 10 pages long, even with huge gaps in my college experience.